Tuesday, April 25, 2017

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Post 1516. Wednesday April 26


Tales of everyday life in the coastal village of Amble Bay






Here we are at Amble Manor, the palatial residence of wealthy spinster Lady Violet Smythe. She actually a Smith, but she doesn't think that sounds posh enough. Don’t let on I told you!

How about these massive iron gates? 'Open sesame!' I love it when they obey me.

'Open sesame!'

'Open sesame!'

They seem to be stuck, can you give them a shove?

Right. I’ll park between her Bentley and Arthur’s  tractor. He’s probably doing a few jobs for her. Oh, he's asleep in the cab. 

Before we get out, a few ground rules. Bow your head as you say hello, don’t attempt to shake hands, don’t sit until invited, don’t speak unless spoken to and don’t tread on her dog, Teeny Weeny. Yes, that really is its name! 

We’ll probably be offered a little glass of sherry; drink it whether you like it or not. Then some Earl Grey tea in a dainty china cup. When you pick it up, point your pinky. Be especially careful if Teeny Weeny lands on your lap.

She’ll probably serve cucumber sandwiches, followed by scones, jam, and cream. Whatever you do don’t drop any crumbs, or feed Teeny Weeny.

Right, here we go. Can you give me a shove up the steps?

Right, tug on the bell chain. Ding-dong! The doors are opening, and...

Oh no, there goes Teeny Weeny. 

Catch it!

Catch it!

Not a good start.


Tomorrow will be walking in The Wood

To read a brief description of Amble Bay and see a scribbled map just click HERE

Previous episodes  A B C D E G H I J K L M N O P Q R S T U V W X Y Z
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Monday, April 24, 2017

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Post 1515. Tuesday April 25

Tales of everyday life in the coastal village of Amble Bay



The main street looks different on a Tuesday, doesn't it? There are lots of large stripy umbrellas and beneath them, little stalls selling local stuff.

This is Stinky Stuart. 'Hi Stu!' He makes very smelly cheese in a barn just down the road.  Try a bit of that. Nice yes? No? Oh well. 

Here’s Martha. 'Hello Martha, lovely day'.  She makes these pretty trinkets and beaded jewellery. I can just see you wearing those earrings!

You see that guy strumming a ukulele? That’s Jack Potter. He’s not exactly a busker, in fact, he hates it if anyone drops pennies at his feet. He just loves to perform. He’s here every Tuesday singing like a songbird.

Over there’s Frank the Forager. He works for Lady Violet Smythe up at ‘the big ’ouse’ as he calls it; part gamekeeper, part gardener on her enormous estate. She lets him shoot the odd partridge or two and sell them here alongside wild mushrooms and hedgerow herbs. I broke a tooth on a piece of lead shot once.

Here comes Arthur with his wheelbarrow. ’Hello Arthur, what’s in there?’

'I said what's in your barrow?'

Oh, sacks of potatoes. He sometimes finds himself a gap in the market (literally!) and sells stuff he’s grown in the lower field. ‘Did you grow them yourself, Arthur?’

'Grow them yourse....?'

Silly question, forget it!

I’m going to grab one of Frosty Fred’s fabulous ice creams! Join me?





Tomorrow I'm taking you to meet Lady Violet Smythe

To read a brief description of Amble Bay and see a scribbled map just click HERE


Previous episodes  A B C D E G H I J K L M N O P Q R S T U V W X Y Z




Sunday, April 23, 2017

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Post 1514. Monday April 24

Tales of everyday life in the coastal village of Amble Bay




Every Monday we hold the Tuesday Club. I know what you're thinking, but it's a long story so don't ask!

About twenty of us meet weekly to discuss important issues of the day. Last week we talked about wild animals damaging our gardens. 

Someone asked Arthur if he was having problems with the deer. He said Amble Ale was fine as long as he drank no more than three pints! I hope he's remembered his hearing aid this week..

We have three topics; one trivial, one serious and another of enormous importance. This week we are starting with (deep breath) 

‘The implications and the possible effects of the UK's exit from the EU upon rural communities in general, and Amble Bay in particular'

We haven't decided upon the serious and very important subjects yet. 

Only kidding!

We're actually discussing the proposed wind farm on Amble Marsh, Mrs Hendeson's massive increase of ten pence on a dozen of her eggs, and the weather.

So, off we go. Ladies and gentlemen, your attention, please!

Oh no, Arthur's snoring!

We are about to start Arthur!

Arthur!

Arthur!

Oh well.




Tomorrow will be all about Umbrellas and Ukeleles!

To read a brief description of Amble Bay and see a scribbled map just click HERE

Previous episodes  A B C D E G H I J K L M N O P Q R S T U V W X Y Z





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Saturday, April 22, 2017

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Post 1513. Saturday April 22

Tales of everyday life in the coastal village of Amble Bay


Welcome to Main  Street. It’s not exactly a retail park, but it’s got everything we need.

This shop belongs to Pete Baker. Guess what he sells? Wrong! He’s ‘Porky’ Pete of Baker’s Butchers and he's  famous for his  enormous sausage. It won the top prize at the Meat Choppers Ball in Bustleton last December.

Next is our community shop. It’s a general store run by volunteers. Even I do a few hours a month. You name it, we sell it. Fruit' n veg, rat poison, chocolate, toilet cleaner, newspapers, shampoo, wine. Baked beans? Of course we do! Oh, sorry, they’re out of stock.

Baked beans are good for the heart, the more you eat the more you...!

Sorry about that. Very childish. Next!

Here's Carla’s bakery. She makes luscious loaves. Just look at these cream cakes. And her buns are legendary!
  
Oh, here’s Arthur. Hello Arthur, buying some bread?

I said are you buying bread Arthur?

Yes, I realise you're not buying new boots, you cheeky devil!

Let’s walk to the fish shop. Paul’s Plaice it’s called. It’s a family business. Sadly Paul’s Dad recently died choking on a fish bone poor sole!

Right, I’m off the Shopping Mall in Bustleton. Bye!






Next I'll be taking you to the Tuesday Club which we hold every Monday!

To read a brief description of Amble Bay and see a scribbled map just click HERE

Previous episodes – A B C D E G H I J K L M N O P Q R S T U V W X Y Z

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Thursday, April 20, 2017

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Post 1512. Friday April 21

Tales of everyday life in the coastal village of Amble Bay




Hi! The sun’s shining, the birds are singing and we are going to ramble along the coastal path for a mile or two. Binoculars, check. Trekking pole, check.  Full hip-flask, check.

We’ll start by wandering along the beach. If you look in the rock pools you might see a crab or two. Do you see those beautiful reflections in the water?  Whispy clouds, swooping gulls and...oh no, Naked Nora!

Nora, cover up, please. We have guests.

Now we climb the slope to the clifftop. Ready? Up we go.

Look, there's the French coast. Sometimes I'm sure I smell freshly baked baguettes and croissants. See down there? It’s Willy Whiting in his old fishing boat having a tug-a-war with a net of fish. He waved to me once, lost his footing and fell overboard!

Hi, Willy! Don’t wave!

Mind that fox hole. Last week I stuck my foot down one, twisted my ankle and lost my boot. Not just the rabbits hopping that afternoon.

Look at the sheep grazing in the valley. They are Arthur’s. There he is with Jess, his faithful sheepdog.

Woo-hoo! Arthur!

I’m picking some cowslips to take home. Aren’t they pretty? Look over there; pink orchids.

We’ll take the steps down to the undercliff path then stroll back to the Fish Inn. Polly cooks fish and chips on Friday. Nice.







Tomorrow I’ll be telling you about The village Shops 

To read a brief description of Amble Bay and see a scribbled map just click HERE

Previous episodes – A B C D E G H I J K L M N O P Q R S T U V W X Y Z


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Wednesday, April 19, 2017

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Post 1511 . Thursday April 21

Tales of everyday life in the coastal village of Amble Bay






Thanks for coming, we were a team member short. James lost his memory and can’t remember where he left it. Welcome to Team Extreme!  You've met Arthur, he knows farming,  George knows legal stuff, and  Rosemary’s a teacher. What’s your specialist subject? Nothing? Ok. Well, I am a walking talking dictionary.

Dan’s perched on a beer crate, microphone in one hand, a spoon in the other. He’s tapping a wine glass. No-one’s noticed.

Dan, tap it harder!

Whoops! Breaking glass always attracts attention.

Here comes the first question. Spell necessary. Simple!  It’s  2 C’s and 1 S. No, 2 C’s and 2 S's. Mmmm. That looks right. Next!

Question two is even easier.

No Arthur, not Broom and Brim. Name two 'birds' starting P and ending N, not two 'words' starting B and ending M!

I’ll write down Pidgeon and Penguin.



Question twenty. Mmm, not sure about this. ‘Bored’ did you say? I don’t think that’s right. Oh you mean you are bored! Not long to go. By the way, I think Tricky Dicky’s team is cheating. Look, he’s got his phone on his lap. I think he’s Googling. Tut tut.



That’s it, now the results. Wake up Arthur.

Wake up Arthur!

I predict we got thirty correct, eight almost, and a couple of wrong'ens. What? We came last? Tricky Dicky’s mob won? I demand a recount!






Tomorrow we are taking a ramble along the coastal path. Don't forget your walking boots!

To read a brief description of Amble Bay and see a scribbled map just click HERE

Previous episodes – A B C D E G H I J K L M N O P Q R S T U V W X Y Z








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Post 1511. Tuesday April 19



Tales of everyday life in the coastal village of Amble Bay



The Produce Prizegiving takes place on the green every September, a celebration of all things edible! Last year in the fluttering marquee Mrs Green’s gooseberries stood proudly alongside Molly’s marvellous marmalade. Freda’s fabulous fruit cake sat between my squashed tomatoes and Mr Cox’s ramrod cucumbers. Arthur's eggs were very...eggy! Miss Penelope's petit-poi; tiny green jewels.

However, 'Moaning' Mickey Dobb’s potatoes were well past their best, his lettuce limp and his apples bruised.

Sadly, the prize giving ceremony was spoilt by Mickey's heckling. He thought his exhibits were best in their class. He complained when John James' beetroots were judged the best and jeered when Mr Jackson’s jam was named the fruitiest.

“A curse on your cauliflowers and blight on your beans” he yelled at the assembled crowd.

Police Constable Potter had put in a rare appearance. He put down his glass of Mr Winstanley’s winning white wine and escorted Mickey to the exit.

Master of Ceremonies Major Mason regained his composure and resumed.

“Dear friends, it's time to present this season’s top award, the coveted Silver Spade for the Village’s Finest Garden”

A hush descended.

The award goes to...oh...erm...."

The Major fanned his face as his cheeks and nose reddened.

"PC Potter, would you mind popping outside and bringing back Mickey Dobbs?”




To read a brief description of Amble Bay and see a scribbled map just click HERE

Previous episodes – A B C D E G H I J K L M N O P Q R S T U V W X Y Z

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