Answer me this.........

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This weeks prompt at Sunday Scribblings is Oracle

Some people think they know everything! Aren’t they irritating? It’s even worse when they really do know everything! ‘Orrible Oracles' I call ‘em! That’s why it’s fun to have a few questions up your sleeve to fire at them when you want to put them in their place.

The trouble is that most questions do in fact have an answer. Once I thought I’d be clever and ask what a question with no answer is called. Back came the answer – rhetorical! I wondered once how it is that you hear yourself think, but apparently you don’t actually hear anything at all, you just think you do! When you are born how is it possible to think if you can’t speak and know no words? Answer that one!

Why isn’t 11 pronounced one-teen or onety-one? Speaking of numbers how about this one? If it’s zero degrees celsius outside today, and tomorrow is going to be twice as cold, how cold will it be? I once got a ‘know-all’ really going with that one. And just for a change I knew the answer. That is, I thought I knew the answer. It’s so complicated that nobody dares question me, yet if I’m to be perfectly honest I don’t understand the answer at all!

Apparently temperature is based on how much molecules move in a second, so at 0 degrees they are not moving very fast. But twice as cold means they move twice as slowly compared to the speed they were moving at 0 degrees, and it comes to minus 8,200 degrees! Challenge me if you dare!

If quizzes are quizzical, what are tests? When people ask you for the time they often point to their wrist. So what should they logically point to when they need directions to the bathroom?

If you really do enjoy a challenge, the post a couple before this one is called ‘What Would You Ask?’ Click HERE and have a go!

The Carry On Tuesday prompt is ready and waiting for you! Click

Here to join in

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an autumn storm

Tonight the South of England is bracing itself for a storm,the like of which has not been seen for many a year. The wind is already howling outside my window, and the torrential rain is bouncing off the road and streaming down the hill toward the sea.

Right now I'm heading for my cosy bed and looking forward to a bright new dawn!

An eerie, whispering, hissing wind plays its haunting lament in the orchestra pit of my hearth. Hard droplets of driven rain splitter splatter their staccato beat on my window pane.

Rivulets of glistening water zig zag their journey down the glass fighting in vain to intrude into the calm within.

Carried in the autumn gale clouds of ruby, gold and crimson leaves swirl in technicolor clouds, round and round, up and down, round and up and round and down . A howling gale, sheets of rain. Autumn’s anger, Summer’s wane.

What would you ask?

I was on a trekking holiday in the Amazonian jungle. Our guide told us about a mysterious village which, if found, promised the secret of eternal life and untold wealth. He told us that those who’d tried to find it were never seen again. Legend has it that either they had succeeded in their search and were rewarded with a journey to paradise, or they had failed and met a terrible end at the hands of the devils henchmen.

I asked in which direction I should walk if I was to decide to seek out the village. A look of fear came over his face. He told me I should forget that I’d ever heard about it. He told me that there was a path that led there, but after a mile there was a fork in the track and nobody knew which way to take. One led to heaven and one to hell. He told me that identical twin brothers lived in a hut beside the fork and only they knew which path was the one to take. He also told me that one of the brothers always lied about which path to take. The other told the truth.

I said that I would make the journey.

Right now I’m sitting in paradise drinking champagne and smoking the finest Havana cigar! I knew how to find out which path to take. I knew the question I should ask, whichever twin I met at the fork.

If you were to take the path, what would you ask the twin?

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If you are unsure of the answer scroll right down to the foot of the page!

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The interview

This weeks prompt over at Sunday Scribblings is Interview.

The intercom rang on my desk. ‘Hi Keith’ said Julie from the outer office ‘James Thomas is here for an interview’.

I was a little surprised, after all Mr Thomas was supposed to have been here an hour ago. Rather than turn him away I asked Julie to find out the reason for his lateness. Apparently he looked at his watch, pulled a quizzical expression, looked up at the wall clock, screwed up his brow then told her our clock was an hour fast! I should point out that the rest of the population of the UK had moved their time pieces forward by one hour two days previously to come in line with British Summer time, spring forward, fall back and all that. But not our JT!

Anyway, I agreed to see him but was a little taken aback to see that the candidate was dressed in jeans, tee shirts and trainers. He also had an MP3 attached to his waist band and two speaker buttons pressed into his ears! He walked towards my desk and straightaway sat down, just as I was rising to my feet with my arm outstretched expecting a handshake. I assumed that one was not forthcoming so I began to sit down again just as he bobbed up! So, up I popped again at precisely the moment he dropped down onto the chair. I gave in.

‘Good morning James’ I said. He looked at me as if he hadn’t heard me which clearly he had not since he was still attached to his MP3 by his ears. I gestured by tapping one of my ears, he suddenly grinned, raised his eyes to the ceiling then took one of the speaker buttons out!

I should have ended it there but I decided to give him one chance to redeem himself. I thought the most appropriate question with which to start the interview was to ask him to give me 6 adjectives that summed him up. He told me he was ‘really really really really really cool’. I then asked if he considered himself to be a team player. He said he was unless other staff members got in his way!

At this point I should have suggested he leave but I was curious to know a little more about the strange young man that was sitting before me tapping his feet to the music he was listening to in one of his ears! I thought I’d ask a few leading questions.

I asked him if he would be prepared to take a drugs test if he were to be offered a job. He asked me which drugs he’d be testing! I then asked him about his approach to managing people. He told me that if they ignored his instructions he kick their asses! When asked about his creative ability he said that the answers he was giving to my questions were pretty good indicators! ‘Are you a good communicator?’ I asked. ‘Huh’ he said.

I could tell by the look on his face that he was enjoying this little contest! To be honest, so was I!

Me ‘Describe your management style. JT ‘Don’t do things yourself, get them to do it for you’

Me ‘How do you handle change? ‘JT ‘I put it in a jar by my bed

Me ‘How do you define a problem person?’ JT ‘Anybody who disagrees with me’

Just then an alarm sounded, it seemed to coming from a cell phone in his pocket. He switched it off, apologised and said that he was due somewhere else for another interview. I asked him why he’d applied for the job and he told me that he needed to so he could prove to the unemployment office that he was in fact looking for one!

Needless to say, this was one job he would not be getting!

Hands up, I admit that none of this actually happened!

The questions and answers however are all genuine ones that have been collected and logged by interviewers over many years.

I expect you are wondering how I go about setting an example. Simple, I never let anyone catch me asleep in my office!

Don't forget Carry On Tuesday this week. The new prompt is ready and waiting for you. Just click HERE!

What's your excuse?

You may or may not know that I am one of those irritating people that jump in front of you with a clip board and a cheery grin in attempt to stop you shopping and sell you something! Probably the most competitive and fiercely fought arena in the direct selling game is energy - gas and electricity that is. For reasons I’m not entirely sure of, I currently find myself attempting to impede shopper’s progress within the mighty Marks and Spencer emporia in an effort to lure them away from their present energy supplier so that I can gain myself a pound or two to spend on wine and a good time! Fortunately for my colleagues and me, we are considered to be at the top of the tree in utility sales with sales persons from all of our competitors queuing to jump ship and join us.

Spending eight to ten hours on your feet spouting the same mantra time and time again can be a little boring, so we often indulge in little games to lighten the mood between sales pitches. Our favourite pastime is to list the most frequently used excuses we hear when people wish to avoid being stopped. We make a bet on which we think will be the most used phrase that day and put ticks against a list which we keep under the counter!

I thought you might like to view the current chart positions of the most used excuses and see where you fit into our top ten!

10. You are all the same. Ok so there is not a lot to choose between us but we are hardly going to admit it and we really are very nice people.

9. I’m happy where I am. Under the false impression they have the best deal

8. Sorry, I’m in a hurry. You see them accelerate as soon as you make eye contact!

7. I could do with some energy! The favourite quip of elderly people with walking difficulties who think we’ve never heard it before!

6. I’ll come back tomorrow. Oh yea!

5. I'm on my lunch break. Probably the only valid reason for not stopping we hear -assuming that is that they are in fact on a lunch break.

4. Too much hassle. Our system is hassle free whilst most are not, so it’s understandable that some people believe it to be. If only they’d listen...

3. Got to get back to my car before the meter runs out. I always offer to pay for another hours parking just to see what they say!

2. I've got a credit card thanks. The second most popular reason to rush on by, even though we are not selling credit cards! Remarkable since we stand in front of an enormous display unit clearly advertising our product!

1. My husband / wife / partner deals with it. By far the most used excuse which falls apart when a few minutes later they walk past together and have to find a different excuse!

The other things we look out for are the visible yet silent actions people take to avoid talking to us. It really is terribly funny and blatantly obvious.These are the most used four.

4. Look at their wrist watch as they walk past

3. Take a diversion just before they reach us then pop out again a few metres further on!

2. Look over their shoulder as they approach (and invariably bump into someone!)

1. Press a cell phone to their ear and pretend to be having a conversation.

Fortunately a lot of people do engage us in conversation, in fact half a million folk have come on board since we launched 10 months ago making us the biggest success story in the industry. Most are polite, many are unbelieving and quite a few are downright rude. But the vast majority who take the time to listen do sign up and invariably come back and thank us a few weeks down the line, and that makes it all worthwhile.

So, what’s your excuse?

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when autumn leaves start to fall

Words not necessary! Click on images to enlarge them

To see these photos in far higher quality visit my Images site by clicking HERE

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Treat yourself to a couple of minutes of Eva Cassidy singing Autumn Leaves!

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It's Sunday Scribblings time again and the prompt is Adventure. I suppose that going out on a cold October night 'trick or treating' is quite an adventure for most kids. My kids however had a far deeper and darker motive! Enjoy!

Part one

It was a cold night in October. In the narrow street, nothing stirred but for a black cat which meandered along the road pausing occasionally with one paw raised, ears pricked, listening. It stopped opposite a run-down terraced cottage, turned its head toward the door, arched its back and hissed.

The stillness was broken by a gaggle of laughing children which appeared from a side street calling out ‘trick or treat’ and banging on doorways. There were about ten of them, all dressed for Halloween night. The girls wore witches gowns of red purple and blue, their eyes black and their lips scarlet. The boys had whitened faces and grey cloaks which dragged behind them on the ground. The black cat looked on, motionless.

One of them, a small boy wearing a black cloak and a grotesque monster mask ran up to the terraced cottage and shouted ‘this is the one’. The black cat turned and ran in the opposite direction. He banged on the door with the handle of his axe then pulled a hood over his head. The others gathered around him giggling excitedly.

The terraced cottage belonged to Billy Brown. He'd moved there several years ago. No one knew much about him. They never knew him as Billy ‘Bully’ Brown. As a child in school he’d terrorised his fellow pupils. He was moved from one school to another then eventually to an institution for young offenders. His bullying continued later in life when he was feared by even the most hardened of criminals in London’s gangland. But eventually it all backfired on him and he was forced to flee and go into hiding as an anonymous resident of the village.

The boy banged on the door again. Nothing. Bang, bang.

Suddenly a voice yelled a voice from inside the cottage. ‘Go away’

The boy banged again and again. Suddenly the door swung open and there was Billy Brown, his face like thunder, brandishing a base ball bat.

Part 2

‘Trick or treat?’ said the hooded boy quietly. ‘Trick or treat?’

The children still were smiling, but their faces were no longer angelic. Instead they had turned ghostly white and their mouths ran with crimson blood. They stared straight up into Billy’s eyes. His expression changed and a look of fear came over his face.

They started chanting, very slowly, very softly, almost in a whisper.

‘Trick or treat? Trick or treat?’

He dropped the bat.

‘Trick or treat?’ they said, their voices becoming a little louder. ‘Trick or treat?’

The boy took a step towards him.

‘Trick or treat Billy?’ he said looking up into his ashen face. Billy took a step back shaking his head from side to side. The children moved towards him and he started to shuffle back into his hallway.

‘Trick or treat? Trick or treat?’ their voices grew louder and louder. ‘Trick or treat? TRICK OR TREAT?’ The children were now shrieking and the noise echoed and bounced around inside Billy’s head.

They crept forward, he stumbled back and then he came to a sudden stop when he backed into a wall.

‘Trick or treat?’ they screamed ‘TRICK OR TREAT BILLY BULLY BROWN?’

Billy pressed his hands over his ears and screwed closed his eyes. Suddenly the children fell quiet. Total silence. You could hear a feather drop.Something yanked one of his hands away. He tried to resist but he was helpless. He felt warm breath on his ear.

‘School’s out Billy’ said a deep voice from an inch away. He slightly opened one eye and jumped as he came face to face with a hooded man in a grotesque mask carrying an axe. The children stared up at Billy, their huge eyes boring into his. They each had both arms rigid, pointing up at his terrified face. They started chanting again, softly at first, then rising to a deafening crescendo.

‘School’s out, school’s out, SCHOOL’S OUT.......’ They started stabbing their fingers at him. ‘SCHOOLS OUT.......SCHOOLS OUT’. Their screaming was unbearable, their voices echoed and their words jumbled and multiplied as they bounced off the walls and ceiling.

His mind started spinning back through the years. Suddenly he recognised the children. How could it be? It was impossible. They were the kids he went to school with. The kids who thirty or more years ago had lived in fear of him. And now the tables had turned.

Part 3

An elderly lady was walking down the street with her dog. As she approached the run-down cottage, the door flew open and out ran a small boy in a cloak carrying an axe followed by ten other children in Halloween costumes and smiling painted faces.They skipped up to her, giggling. ‘Trick or treat?’ they laughed. ‘I thought I come across some witches and ghosts tonight’ said the lady, and she produced from her pocket a bag of sweets and lollipops and handed them out. ‘Thank you’ shouted the children, then they ran off into the darkness.

She went to walk away, but her dog refused to move. Instead it stood rigid, growling as it looked at the open door. It started to tug the lady toward the house. She was unable to hold him back. It was then she noticed that a vivid blinding light was coming from a room at the far end of the hallway. The dog pulled her inside and she shielded her eyes from the dazzling light as she was pulled closer and closer to the room. Her dog continued with its deeply menacing growl, but now she could also hear the distant unworldly sound of children’s voices chanting ‘Billy Bully Brown, Billy Bully Brown’.

As she peered into the room the searing light hurt her head, and through half closed eyes she could just make out the shape of a small boy, sitting cross legged on the floor slowly rocking to and fro. Gradually the light began to fade and the sound of the children became quieter and quieter then disappeared. The child was unaware that she or the dog was there. He just stared straight ahead as he rocked and swayed. She spoke to him, asked his name, but he didn’t answer. He didn’t even blink. She tried gently shaking him but he was totally oblivious to her presence. He was gripping something tightly in his hand, a crumpled school group photograph. One face had been cut out and across it was scrawled the name Billy Brown and an arrow pointing to the hole.

She rushed out into the street hoping to find someone to help her, someone with a mobile phone who could call an ambulance. But she found no one. Then from inside the cottage she heard her dog whimpering. She ran back into the room to find the child gone, and to her horror her dog was lying motionless on the floor alongside a bloodstained baseball bat and the screwed up photograph.

A year has passed, and the house has remained locked and boarded ever since. No one knows what happened in the cottage on Halloween night last year. And you can be certain that nobody will go anywhere near that house tonight.

The End....or is it?

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