Thursday, July 23, 2015

He should have known


It's Sunday’s Whirligig time and the given words are coatless thinking kitchen envelope flag stars say touch slices roadside games and walk.



The kitchen is strewn with slices of toast, a smashed marmalade jar and a broken coffee mug. In the corner an envelope, a screwed up letter.

He was stupid thinking she could love him. But to end it with a scribbled note? To say nothing?

She was his reason for living. He flew his flag for her, stars sparkled at her touch. But it was just a game to her.

He steps outside into in the winter snow and walks dazed, barefoot and coatless along the roadside to the park they loved so much. Children merrily play, but he hears nothing but the sound of her laughter echoing in his head.



My original hundred-word story was inspired by the picture prompt at Friday Fictioneers.



24 comments:

  1. Dear Keith,

    Good job of combining prompts. You won't hear me say that often as I'm not a fan of the prompt combining most of the time.

    Shalom,

    Rochelle

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    1. Nor me Rochelle but I couldn;t resist it this time! Thanks for hosting once again.

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  2. Replies
    1. He'll certainly have cold feet! Thanks for commenting.

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  3. Such a cruel way to end it. I loved the imagery of him barefoot in the snow.

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    1. such things happen, sadly. Thnks Annalisa.

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  4. How sad but very evocative. Well done.

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  5. Yes, the world does go on even when we feel as if it really shouldn't. Well done!

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  6. Poor guy. Artfully combined prompts, I like it. His desperation is very clear, as is his complete focus on her.

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  7. Sometimes we can never know - maybe that's what makes people so enticing...she wasn't called Alice was she (Rosey would never do such a thing)

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    1. No, not either of them! I believe she was called Delilah - or was it Jezebel?

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    2. Thought so - butter wouldn't melt as regards our companions (maybe)

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  8. Duped again...it happens. Perhaps reminding the character in this piece of the tears that were shed by a previous partner in another romance might ring a few bells for him. It cuts both ways. Haven't we all been in that situation? Well not to the extent of being barefoot in the snow!

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  9. The guy probably deserved it. Unlike a man, whose reasoning power is hampered by the apparatus between his legs, a woman is too smart to ditch a really good man:)

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    1. Errr....interesting theory! Thanks for dropping by.

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  10. The juxtaposition of the beginning and final images tells the story. The state of the kitchen and the reality of the man are so very similar,

    Elizabeth

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    1. Yes, the letter arriving just as he was having breakfast did bring on a rather violent reaction! Hopefully he'll go back and clear it all up when he calms down. Thanks for visiting Elizabeth.

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  11. Nicely written story ... like how you rendered that anger and disappointment so realistically. Bastet

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