I love Rosey dearly but sometimes she can be so damn childish.
A couple of our friends begged us for our support on Sunday because they were playing in a football match down on the green. Village footie is not very well supported, so the more people there to cheer them on the better!
So off I went with Rosey with our friend Amanda in tow.
Now our mates take their Sunday football very seriously and this week they were playing in the final of the Sussex Inter-village Cup. It was quite an achievement for them to get that far.
We stood along the touchline with a crowd of bored looking wives and girlfriends who shivered and chattered without even glancing at the battle being fought out by their loved ones. I don’t know what Rosey and Amanda were finding so funny but I got the feeling they were hatching some kind of plot.
There was about ten minutes to go and the score was nil nil. One of the players kicked the ball out of touch and it rolled towards the girls.
I just knew what was about to happen.It was my worst nightmare. Rosey and Amanda took control of the Ball and started running away from the pitch kicking it to each other whilst almost hysterical with laughter.
I was SO embarrassed. I tried pretending that they weren’t with me.
‘Come on lads’ shouted one of the blue team, and with that all twenty two players thundered off the pitch and went in pursuit of Rosey and Amanda.
I have to admit it was a funny sight. The girls were so skillful. They were passing the ball back and forth and running, twisting and turning whilst leaving the boys confused, exhausted and in total disarray!
Then they started heading back in the direction of the pitch leaving the players gasping for breath.
‘Now’ shouted Rosey. They were twenty yards from the goal. Amanda sent the ball high into the sky, and as it began its decent Rosey leapt into the air and with a flick of her head she butted it straight into the net!
Suddenly there was an enormous cheer from the wives and girlfriends who had suddenly found football the greatest game on earth.
Although the game resumed, Rosey's goal remained the only one scored all afternoon. As a result the contest will have to be re-played next Sunday. You will not be surprised to learn that as a result of their prank Rosey and Amanda have been barred from attending.
I just knew this would happen. Rosey found out I was writing this and she's written her own biased account of the goings on that day. In the interest of fairness I invite you to take a look - just click HERE
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For centuries the game of football was played on the fields of England’s finest schools. In 1823 Rugby School developed a game similar to football, but the players were permitted to pick up the ball and run with it. And so the game known worldwide as Rugby was invented.
In England in 1863 the Football Association was formed and the rules by which football is played today were written. Football (soccer in the US, a name formed from the word association) is the most popular game played worldwide, and the World Cup is the biggest international sporting tournament known to man.
A game similar to tennis was played widely from the 11th century in France. Its popularity spread to England and even King Henry VIII was an enthusiastic player. But in 1625 it was once again the English who laid down the rules by which it is played today. The first annual international tournament began in 1877 at Wimbledon.
Table tennis or Ping Pong was not invented by the Chinese. It was started in England in 1880 and began with Cambridge University students using cigar boxes and champagne corks.
England’s national game is of course cricket. The game as we know it today was originally played by the Marylebone Cricket Club in the 18th century. Today it is played on almost every continent.
So why have I laid out all these facts?
Well, England last won the Football World Cup in 1966.
We have only won the Rugby World cup once and that was in 2003.
Table Tennis? Forget it!
The last Wimbledon Tennis champions we saw were Fred Perry in 1936 and Virginia Wade in 1977.
As for cricket, we did win the Ashes a couple of years ago, but our record in international Test Matches is lamentable.
But there is some good news!
We invented the game of darts in the town of Grimsby way back when, and we are pretty good at that.
The Marquess of Queensbury wrote the rules for boxing in 1865, and we have had a fair few champions at most weights.
Horse racing, both on the flat and steeplechase have their origins at Newmarket in England and we have had our fair share of record beating jockeys.
We are also good at Wellie Wanging, the Pancake Race, Duck Herding, Conkers, Aunt Sally, Barrel Walking and Cheese Rolling.
My favourite English sport? Lawn Mower Racing. It’s great!
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Fifteen stark naked men were standing in a line. Behind them was a goal post. In front, a young lady brandishing a camera. A retired Major walked past with his poodle on a lead. He was used to seeing the odd ball or two here - it was the sports ground after all. But the sight of this many caused him to go red in the face. Steam came from his ears and his moustache began to quiver uncontrollably.
Fresh2o is a very worthwhile charity which raises funds for water aid in Africa. With floods dominating the news in England, one needs reminding that in parts of Africa people are dying every minute of every day from dehydration.
The tiny village of Buxted is known locally for two things. Frozen chicken and it's football team. Several years ago, the Women's Institute raised thousands of pounds for charity by stripping off and displaying themselves in a calender. So the big boys of Buxted thought that by emulating these brazen hussies, they might be able to raise a bob or two for Water Aid. So on a beautiful day last week they stripped off their strip, and flaunted their best features in aid of charity.
I don't know what it's like where you are dear reader, but in the UK, bureaucracy has a habit of rearing it's ugly head in the most unlikely places. The Major was soon huffing and puffing down the phone to the local council. They searched and searched until they found a bylaw which stated that permission needed to be granted to carry out such a display of manhood in a public place.
It was too late of course, the deed was done! A local radio station heard about it and used it as a 'finally' item on a news spot. It was then picked up by the local paper. The national papers then got hold of it - stories like these are manna from heaven to the tabloids, especially the red tops.
As a result, advance orders for the calender are colossal! Fresh2o will no doubt benefit from all this extra publicity. It just remains to be seen if the council will try to steal some of it by prosecuting the football club.
As soon as I have a copy, I'll ensure our good lady bloggers are the first to see it!
