WHEN I GROW UP......
Ah, the dreams of childhood. Back then everything seemed possible, if not straight away, definitely in the future!
Next year when my legs are longer I’ll be able to climb up grumpy old Mister Bloggs’s tree and scrump some apples. All the big boys do that and Mister Bloggs runs down his garden shaking a stick and shouting rude words which I’m not allowed to say but I sometimes do because it makes my mates laugh. I wish he had a grape tree because I like grapes better than apples especially the ones Auntie Doris always has by her bed in that big house full of old people she lives in. When I talk to her she says she can't hear me so I shout and she says don't shout I can hear you. She is very old and a bit creased.
When I go to big school I will be the best in my class in every subject especially drawing! One day I’ll have an exhibition in our garden shed and everyone will look closely at my pictures and stroke their chins like experts do, then give me lots of money. I'll have to take Dads tools out, but he won't mind because I'll be a famous artist. In the school nativity play I’ll be Jesus and Sonya will be Mary and she will have to kiss me on the cheek and all my mates will be jealous especially Nathan who fancies her but she doesn’t fancy him. When I grow up I’ll have a wife with really big pair of boobies and Nathan won’t because he’ll end up marrying Jane and she’ll never have big boobies because she’s little now and always will be.
When I leave school I’ll drive a train and hoot the hooter when I come into the station and make people jump. That’ll be fun. If I don’t drive a train I suppose I could make do with flying an aeroplane like the one that took us to Spain on holiday last year where we stayed in a hotel and the waiter tripped over in the restaurant and spilled food all down a posh man at the next table who was very cross and went very very red and I thought he was going to explode. Do planes have hooters do you think?
I’m going to live on a farm but my farm will be different because it won’t have pigs and cows because they stink of poo. My farm will grow dragons and cabbages and big spiders and even chocolate buttons that grow on trees if I can find a way of doing it. I planted some chocolate buttons in the garden last week but nothings come up yet.
When I’m a man I’ll have a very noisy sports car. No I won’t I’ll have a Rolls Royce, a big bright orange one with a driver who drives it in a black suit with a cap on his head like the man who drove us to the wedding last week except this driver will be mine to keep, not like the one last week who went back to his owner. He said he was called Fred but I won't call mine Fred, I'll call mine Dumbledore or Justin.
One day I’ll be able to stay up until midnight. I’ll be able to sit with grownups and I’ll even like that smelly beer that Dad likes. Tomorrow is Monday and I have to go to school again so I suppose I’d better go to sleep. Last night when I went to sleep I dreamt about, about, abo...........
In the words of Charles Dickens, ‘the dreams of childhood; so good to be believed in once, so good to be remembered when outgrown’.