Thursday, January 28, 2010

It's not too much to ask for.....a chilling tale!



This weeks [Fiction] Friday Challenge is to write a story on the following theme 'the last nine years a wife has forgotten her husband’s birthday. The tenth time, he snaps…'






Year after year it rained on January the twenty ninth. If it didn’t rain it snowed. The wind always blew. It was bitterly cold.


January the twenty ninth was Dominic’s birthday, but it never felt special. Donna’s birthday was in August. He always made sure that the sun shone on his wife’s birthday. He did little things which went virtually unnoticed, but without them her day would have been like any other. He made sure her birthday was special.


But for ten years he’d waited in vain for a gesture, a sign of her affection. Surely a handful of flowers or a card was not much to wish for. For ten years he hid the hurt he felt.


It was January the twenty ninth. The weather was abysmal. It was a day when it never seemed to get light. Donna arrived home from work, soaked to the skin and her fingers so cold she could hardly turn the key in the lock. She rushed inside and flung the door closed behind her. She fumbled for the light switch. Click. Not a glimmer. She switched it on, off, on, off. Nothing.


Suddenly the door flew open behind her and the wind and rain almost blew her off her feet. She tried to push the door closed but she couldn’t do it. She stumbled backwards and into the room behind her. She felt for the light switch. Nothing. As violently as it opened, the door slammed shut, and the sudden silence hurt her ears.


She felt her way along the wall until she came to the under stair cupboard. There was a torch in there. She rummaged along the shelves knocking everything onto the floor as she went, and then to her relief she came across the torch. Light at last. She went into the kitchen, she had some candles there, and just as she was opening the drawer the beam from the torch fell on a bunch of flowers on the counter. She stared at them for a moment. It was then she noticed a birthday card standing on the table. On the front it said To My Husband. The air in the room turned icy, and suddenly a hand appeared from nowhere, grabbed the torch from her and turned the beam onto her terrified face. She was panic stricken. What was happening? Who was that shadowy figure lurking in the darkness?


‘Hello Donna. Aren’t you going to wish me a happy birthday?’


‘I don’t know who you are’ said Donna ‘but if this is some kind of joke it’s not funny. Get out, go now...please’


‘That’s no way to talk to your husband on his birthday’


Donna thought she must be in the middle of a nightmare.


‘Did you forget me Donna? Is that why it’s been ten years since you wished me a happy birthday? I didn’t want much from you but a bunch of flowers and a card would have been nice'.


With that the flowers flew through the air and the vase smashed at her feet. She stood frozen, petrified with fear. The torch fell to the floor and went out. In the darkness she could just make out the figure walking away. He opened the door and the wind whipped into the room. He turned his head toward her and said ‘surely a bunch of flowers and a card on my grave was not too much to ask’.







.
.

5 comments:

  1. It would seem we thought along similar lines! you wove your stroy in well - sucking hte reader in and its only on the second read you realise what is actually happening...

    visitors can see mine at http://annieevett.blogspot.com/2010/01/forgytan.html

    ReplyDelete
  2. Ahh, how odd that you both chose to go down similar paths- I like it though. It makes me wish I'd thought of something similar now!! At first I thought that they really were married, but then you think that Donna doesn't know him, but then the final twist at the end- it turns out that she does know him and that he's come back from the dead- very wuthering heights!! I like!!

    ReplyDelete
  3. I loved the story. The feelings are still the same in both life and death I guess.

    ReplyDelete
  4. Oh no, now I will have nightmares!!
    (But this piece is great.. :-D)

    ReplyDelete
  5. terryhaferkamp30 Jan 2010, 02:38:00

    Good story. I liked the ending.

    ReplyDelete

COMMENTS ARE CURRENTLY TAKING ABOUT 30 SECONDS TO PUBLISH. Patience is a virtue!

Dear WORDPRESS friends. If you are having difficulty posting please 'Comment as' either:-

a) Name/URL
b) Anonymous with your name included in your comment.

Thank you!