Wednesday, September 19, 2007

Cheffie's got red eyes!

The electricity in our village was turned off today. Seems there was something that needed fixing. For most of the villagers in their cottages, this was nothing more of than an inconvenience. May even had some benefits - couples talking together instead of watching the TV, people reading that book they had forgotten about. There may even be a population explosion in 9 months time!

But pity poor Cheffie. No way was I going to give in! Dozens of elderly people depend on me for their daily plate of sustenance!

First problem was the dark! Even at midday with the sun shining outside, I had difficulty telling my ass from my elbow. My kitchen has one small window which is shrouded by a tree. But I wasn’t going to let that beat me. A couple of candles flickered either side of my station, and I was in business
Meanwhile in the restaurant, tea- lights illuminated each table and the wrinklies started trooping in. The bottom of the dining area is naturally very gloomy. The building is almost 300 years old and the windows are tiny. But the scene looked almost romantic! The image was altered however, when an elderly lady in a gloriously over-the-top dress glided in. She had clearly had an accident with her perfume bottle as her Channel began to fill the air and the whole room took on the air of a tart’s boudoir!

In the meantime I was struggling with a suitably reduced menu. I only had 6 gas rings to work on. No oven, no microwaves ( yes, I do use microwaves!) and more importantly, no extraction system! The kitchen got hotter and hotter, Cheffie got hotter and hotter, and in no time my eyes where streaming and as sore as a rambler’s rash!

Liver and bacon, cold meat with bubble and squeak, sausages with pan fried spuds.

With no machinery running the whole place seemed eerily quiet. I could here every word which was said outside in the bar. Every now and then someone would say ’forgot to pay the electricity bill?’ then convulse with laughter not realising it had been said 20 times before!

I overheard one conversation between Jackie, our barmaid cum waitress, and an elderly couple.
Old man ‘I’ll have haddock in batter’
Jackie ‘We have no fryers today so we cant do it’
Old man ‘What?’
Old lady ‘They’ve got no fryers’
Old man ‘I’ll have ham and chips’
Jackie ‘ We can’t do chips - we have no fryers’
Old man ‘What?’
Old lady ‘They cant do chips’
Old man ‘Why?’
Jackie ( thinks ’silly old fart’) NO FRYERS!
Old man ’What?’

Then I dropped something on the floor with a crash and I missed out on the rest of the entertainment!

Anyhow we got through and I’ve come home for my siesta. I just looked in the mirror and my eyes look as red as a vampires gob! Hopefully the ’lecky’ will be back on when I go back again in a couple of hours. If not, I’m coming home! .


  1. You do that Cheffie. Want some Visine?

  2. Now this is where I could have been useful with my many hours of non-electric dinner preparation experience!

    See living in Zambia does have beneficial CV 'work experience' potential - LOL

  3. I got the gist of the whole tale but could you translate bubbles and squeak into Engrish for a Canadian please. I never heard that one before, and I thought I heard them all! Cheers.

  4. Gimme! Thankyou! What is it? Is it legal or do I have to be disreet?

    Jayney! Why didn't I think to phone you! I'd forgotten you are such an expert on cooking in the wild! I don't know if you ever see Ray Meers on the telly, but my cousin Prof Gordon H travels the world with him cooking natures food wherever they find it.

    Right c'est moi ( I LERVE your name by the way) Bubble and squeak! It is a way of using up left over potato and vegetables, and is a tradition here on boxing day when it's eaten with cold turkey and ham. My restaurant version is mashed potato with boiled cabbage and raw onion, mixed together and seasoned, then pan fried until it has a crisp brown finish on both sides. When cooking it makes strange farting sounds hence the name!

  5. Here he comes to save the day!
    Way to go Keith!!!!!!!
    Hope the eryes feel better!

  6. I've read my way through a good bit of your blog and am still chuckling - what a delightful sense of humor you have and such a way with words! I'm so glad to have found you!

  7. little wings! The eyes don't feel better! But hey-ho, at least the lecky is back on!

    Pauline, thank you so much for taking the time to wander round. Your article on Writers Island was truly wonderful.I also spent some time on your site, and if it's ok with you I would very much like to add a link from my site to yours.

  8. and I shall do likewise! thank you

  9. You couldn't tell your ass from your elbow? Let's all be thankful you didn't serve up your ass on a platter in the confusion.

    Happy holidays Keith

  10. I am so glad you are seeing better now and I hope it wasn't just a reaction from the woman's perfume good grief.

  11. I guess you don't have generators then Keith???? You did an excellent job though caring for your customers and such. They are fortunate that you cared enough. Kudos to you and your eyes didn't look bad. Lovely eyes I might add.



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