Wednesday, June 17, 2015

Over here, over here....


(Click HERE for Wordless Wednesday)


100 words for Friday Fictioneers



Over here called a voice from nowhere. Over here.

He looked around. Nobody.

Tick-tock went the clock on the wall. Tick-tock  louder. Tick-tock it echoed.

He glanced up. The chandelier swayed. This way and that, this way and that. A little at first, then more and more, more and more.

Tick-tock, this way and that, tick-tock, this way and that.

Over here. Tick-tock, this way and that, Over here.

One by one the lights flickered out. One by one, darker and darker.

Tick-tock, this way and that, over here, darker, darker.

Sudden darkness. Sudden silence.

Total silence. Total darkness

The end. 

54 comments:

  1. Sinister and creepy, like it.

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  2. Interesting hook. I would have kept reading. One Evil Editor note, because I always do, dump the "began" on the chandelier. It's a stall word that slows down the action. Great story!

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    1. Duly done Joyce! Thanks for your input.

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  3. Dear Keith,

    How creepy is that.

    Shalom,

    Rochelle

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  4. Spooky one, Keith!
    Chandelier didn't fall & hurt anyone though!

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  5. Creepy story but well done.

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  6. You gave me chills yet again. Nicely done!

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  7. "The End" was a nice touch.

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  8. I was expecting a resounding crash somewhere down the line, but the silence worked well :)

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  9. Ominous ticking indeed.. what a ghastly ticking here.

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  10. Oh, I likey - thrilling and chilling!

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    1. Scared me and I wrote it !I worry out myself sometimes!

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  11. you never fail to amaze me. nice take on the prompt.

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    1. Praise indeed plaridel. Thanks so much.

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  12. Have we found a worm-hole?
    Good piece.

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  13. Good one! I'll have to be careful if I ever hear "over here"

    betty

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    1. As long as it's over there I don't mind! Thanks Betty.

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  14. I'd be running by now. I don't even know where I'd be running, I'd just be running! Haha! This one game me chills. I've noticed a lot of ghost stories with this photo.

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    1. I noticed that too. Clearly chandeliers give people the creeps!

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  15. He has got to be careful, it looks like they have ways to make him 'tock'.

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    1. It's the nervous tick that'll give him away.

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  16. Very effective use of sound and repeating. Excellent writing!

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    1. Thanks so much Lorna. It's not my normal style of writing but, as they say, variety is the spice of life! Quite why I said that I don't know - I try NEVER to use cliches!

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  17. Very creepy and spooky, great stuff.

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  18. this could be the beginning of a great story, let's have a sequel

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    1. Maybe, maybe not! Thanks for visiting me.

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  19. I love how the small voice at the start builds into a great, noisy kind of chaos, then bang, it's over. Fantastic.

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    1. That's the way I like it. Thanks for calling in.

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  20. Clocks can be worse than clowns. Good shivers!

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    1. You've given me an idea for a tale featuring both Thanks!

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  21. The silence is as ominous of the tick-tock. Great story! A new take on the Pit and the Pendulum. PS I'm not anonymous as the comment suggest! I'm phylor.

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    1. You are certainly not anonymous phylor! I'm flattered by the comparison. Thanks so much.

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  22. This is great. The repetition is hypnotic. The effect of it, and the mystery in the silence is so much scarier than telling what actually happened. Very well done, I'll have to file this technique under 'how to write scary stuff.'

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    1. Wow, praise indeed! I've never written in this style before and didn't know if it would work, but judging by all these comments it clearly does! Thanks for your generous words.

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