(Click HERE for Wordless Wednesday)
100 words for Friday Fictioneers
Over here called a voice from nowhere. Over here.
He looked around. Nobody.
Tick-tock went the clock on the wall. Tick-tock louder. Tick-tock it echoed.
He glanced up. The chandelier swayed. This way and that, this way and that. A little at first, then more and more, more and more.
Tick-tock, this way and that, tick-tock, this way and that.
Over here. Tick-tock, this way and that, Over here.
One by one the lights flickered out. One by one, darker and darker.
Tick-tock, this way and that, over here, darker, darker.
Sudden darkness. Sudden silence.
Total silence. Total darkness
The end.
Sinister and creepy, like it.
ReplyDeleteThanks very much.
DeleteInteresting hook. I would have kept reading. One Evil Editor note, because I always do, dump the "began" on the chandelier. It's a stall word that slows down the action. Great story!
ReplyDeleteDuly done Joyce! Thanks for your input.
DeleteDear Keith,
ReplyDeleteHow creepy is that.
Shalom,
Rochelle
Thanks Rochelle
DeleteCreepy, indeed! Good job!
ReplyDeleteThanks for dropping by Lisa
DeleteSpooky one, Keith!
ReplyDeleteChandelier didn't fall & hurt anyone though!
It didn't want to hurt itself!
DeleteVery creepy.
ReplyDeleteWoooooo!
DeleteCreepy story but well done.
ReplyDeleteThanks so much
DeleteCreepy...! Good job!
ReplyDeleteThanks for visiting Birgitta
DeleteYou gave me chills yet again. Nicely done!
ReplyDeleteSorry about that!
Delete"The End" was a nice touch.
ReplyDeleteGlad you approve! Thanks Dawn
DeleteI was expecting a resounding crash somewhere down the line, but the silence worked well :)
ReplyDeleteNot this time Vinay!
DeleteOminous ticking indeed.. what a ghastly ticking here.
ReplyDeleteTick-tock tick-tock.....
DeleteOh, I likey - thrilling and chilling!
ReplyDeleteScared me and I wrote it !I worry out myself sometimes!
Deleteyou never fail to amaze me. nice take on the prompt.
ReplyDeletePraise indeed plaridel. Thanks so much.
DeleteHave we found a worm-hole?
ReplyDeleteGood piece.
We may well have done!
DeleteGood one! I'll have to be careful if I ever hear "over here"
ReplyDeletebetty
As long as it's over there I don't mind! Thanks Betty.
DeleteI'd be running by now. I don't even know where I'd be running, I'd just be running! Haha! This one game me chills. I've noticed a lot of ghost stories with this photo.
ReplyDeleteI noticed that too. Clearly chandeliers give people the creeps!
DeleteHe has got to be careful, it looks like they have ways to make him 'tock'.
ReplyDeleteIt's the nervous tick that'll give him away.
DeleteVery effective use of sound and repeating. Excellent writing!
ReplyDeleteThanks so much Lorna. It's not my normal style of writing but, as they say, variety is the spice of life! Quite why I said that I don't know - I try NEVER to use cliches!
DeleteGreat suspense!
ReplyDeleteGlad it worked!
DeleteVery creepy and spooky, great stuff.
ReplyDeleteThanks Sally
Deletethis could be the beginning of a great story, let's have a sequel
ReplyDeleteMaybe, maybe not! Thanks for visiting me.
DeleteJust as I hoped!
ReplyDeleteI love how the small voice at the start builds into a great, noisy kind of chaos, then bang, it's over. Fantastic.
ReplyDeleteThat's the way I like it. Thanks for calling in.
DeleteClocks can be worse than clowns. Good shivers!
ReplyDeleteYou've given me an idea for a tale featuring both Thanks!
DeleteThe silence is as ominous of the tick-tock. Great story! A new take on the Pit and the Pendulum. PS I'm not anonymous as the comment suggest! I'm phylor.
ReplyDeleteYou are certainly not anonymous phylor! I'm flattered by the comparison. Thanks so much.
DeleteThis is great. The repetition is hypnotic. The effect of it, and the mystery in the silence is so much scarier than telling what actually happened. Very well done, I'll have to file this technique under 'how to write scary stuff.'
ReplyDeleteWow, praise indeed! I've never written in this style before and didn't know if it would work, but judging by all these comments it clearly does! Thanks for your generous words.
Delete