Drinking too much is no joke

I had a funny five minutes and wrote this! It's for Three Word Wednesday where the given words are Content, Evolve and Sober 

There is nothing funny about people who drink too much.

I know someone who can swallow the entire contents of a bottle of vodka and still appear sober! His idea of a balanced diet is a glass of Smirnoff in each hand. He’s says there is only one thing better than drinking a bottle of ‘Russian water’ that’s drinking two.

He’s always claimed his ancestors were Russian and that he’s evolved from generations of hard drinking athletes who were always rushin’ here and rushin’ there. I asked if he has ever seen any of his old relatives and he said he had, but only once and they were like Russian dolls, full of themselves.

He’s never been one for mixing; the only thing he mixes is the Martini he sometimes adds to his vodka. He says he’s found a girlfriend and she’s a tonic. He once dated a witch and stayed with her for a spell.

I haven’t seen him for a few days. Someone said he’s got a job. He had a job once as an electrician but he gave it because it was shocking. A breakfast cafe owner took him on once because he said he was good toast master. He tried training as a male nurse but he didn't have any patience. As for hairdressing, he just couldn't cut it.

Like I said, there is nothing funny about people who drink too much.

Now, where’s my whisky?

Oh bugga, I’ve drunk it all!