Sunday, September 16, 2012

You'll understand, in a while. PART ONE



A short story written for Sunday Scribblings and  Carry On Tuesday

“OK, I understand” she screamed as she ran towards the door. She grabbed the handle and flung the door open, smashing it against a small table sending their wedding photo crashing to the floor. Shards of glass flashed mockingly in the sunlight. “But you don’t” yelled Brian as if unable to understand her reaction. “Let me explain again, please. Don’t go, not now, not like this”.

But Susan had gone.

“You’ll be back” whispered Brian to himself.  “You’ll see; in a little while”. A smiled slowly crept across his face. He kicked the door closed with his foot and crossed the hall to the kitchen. “I deserve an Oscar for that performance” he muttered as he took a bottle of his favourite whisky and a lead crystal glass from the cupboard.  He poured a large measure, walked to the window, swirled the glass  and held it to the light. “You’ll be back Susan, in a little while”.

Susan did return, about a week later. She hesitated at the door wondering if she was doing the right thing. After a moment or two she put her key in the lock and turned it slowly wondering if Brian was inside. Part of her hoped he would be sitting there in his in his favourite chair as if nothing had happened. But really she wanted the house to herself for a while so that she could gather up her things and disappear out of his life forever.

She gingerly pushed the door open, and stepped inside. Broken glass crunched beneath her feet. She looked down at the wedding picture. Her face was covered by the remains of the frame. Brian’s stared back at her wearing a self-satisfied grin. Suddenly she gasped as she looked up to see … nothing; nothing but empty spaces, blank walls and undressed windows. Nothing except a note pinned to the wall. She was floating in a dizzy haze. Was it a dream, a nightmare? As she tried to read the note, words swam before her eyes. She steadied herself, one hand against the wall, and Brian’s scrawl gradually came into focus. ‘Now do you understand?’ it said. She ripped it from the wall, screwed it into a ball and threw it across the room.“No I don’t Brian” she shrieked . Her voice echoed through the empty house. She slowly sank to the floor. “I don’t Brian” she sobbed. “I honestly don’t”


It was sometime before she moved. It was almost dark. The only light came from a streetlamp in the road. Susan climbed unsteadily to her feet and flicked the light switch on and off several times. Nothing. She made her way in the gloom to the staircase and felt her way up their bedroom. There in the light from outside she could see her clothes strewn across the floor. She knelt down, gathered them up and held them to her face as tears trickled down her cheeks. Suddenly she heard a crackling sound from the back of the house. She nervously got up and walked over the window. There in the moonlight  she could just make out a figure disappearing into the shrubs beyond the lawn. A shiver went down her spine.

TO READ PART TWO CLICK HERE

Picture by ch14 at deviant ART

14 comments:

  1. Ah yes this story was a little black and full of shivers also..perhaps we will never know..that's good..at times..Jae

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    1. Ditto, Jae Rose! There was a lot of eery suspense. :)

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  2. great story, so far, and in its entirety....I think it was just Brian, playing a prank on her.....

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  3. The crackling sound gave me a clue that he was watching her and when she was upstairs he set light to the house. I often wonder whether we own somebody that much as to destroy them. Pity she didn't stay away. A creepy reaction from me as this had nothing to do with love but ownership and control.

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  4. Keith, these characters definitely need more story. I'd like to know how Susan came by her low self-esteem, how she'd crawl back to such a schmuck. Also, Brian is in control, even to the point of looting the house and shutting down the electric, knowing she would come back.

    This is a viable story, very honest, very real. Yeah, he was in the bushes, or perhaps someone he hired.

    I want to know: If they were married, how dare he ransack the entire house? Where is her position in this marriage? Is he deranged or simply abusive (as though abuse is simple...). Yes, more. Please, sir, I want more! Amy http://sharplittlepencil.com/2012/09/16/ocd-overwhelming-critical-demands/

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  5. This feels like the middle section of a novel - I needed a back story and a conclusion - is a compelling hook to drag us in.

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  6. I think this feels complete. You created characters and hints of a back story really well. If you want to add something maybe add more of a sense of danger to the end if you want him to kill her, maybe add something about the wedding when they look at the photo. I don't think you need to add much though. The sense of mystery is brilliant and it adds to the fear. That is if you're going for that kind of story. If you were going for a happy, light romance, you missed the mark :)

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  7. "The Perils of Pauline" - 21eme siecle. :-)

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  8. I'm wondering what it is she's supposed to understand. Maybe that he was leaving, could be she was the instigator in this instance, whatever the understanding, it's been going on for sometime.

    I like the spookiness to this story as well. Almost an outer limit feel to it. :) You've always had an ability to capture an audience Keith. I'd like to see you expand this story, then bring it full circle.

    Missy

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  9. you're a great mystery writer, do write on please?!

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  10. Ooooo...creepy to know he may be watching... Ok, need to know what happens next!

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  11. Very well done... If you leave it, it is enough, but in sincerity I would love to see you develop it more. Excellent work Keith.

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  12. This is an excellent, creepy yarn. Please continue and don't leave us hanging. After all, you must want to know what happens next.

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  13. i hope it's only "a little while" until we find out what happens next! {smile}

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