Monday, September 20, 2010

Mud mud glorious mud!

This weeks prompt on Sunday Scribblings is the word Clean

I don’t know why she married me. The only thing we have in common is that we got married on the same day. The wedding was such a miserable affair, that even the cake was in tiers.

Thing is she’s got this obsession with cleaning. Hoovering here, scrubbing there, she even polishes the parrots beak! I ask you! She washes the garden path and shampoos the cat. The other day she was on her knees with her head in the washing machine. What are you doing I said. I’m washing the washing machine she said, it's had dirty clothes in it.  Last week she complained that the garden borders looked dirty! They are made of dirt I said. No she said, they are filled with soil. Okay I said, they are soiled. She gave me a filthy look.

She even accuses me of being dirty! Me...dirty! She says that even my laugh is dirty. I was watching an old Rachel Welch film the other night. Wipe that filthy grin off your face she said, she’s 70 years old. Not then she wasn't I said. You’ve got a mind like a cess pit, why didn’t I marry a clean living guy she cried. Do you see what I mean? See what I have to put up with?

I swore the other day. You should have seen her face! Wash your mouth out with soap she yelled. Turn that frown upside down  I said. Last week she suddenly said - I want a fun guy.  A fungi? I asked. You mean you want a mushroom?  If looks could kill...!

Wash your grimy hands, take those mucky clothes off, get your muddy shoes off the upholstery, when did you last change your underwear, have a shower. I said I’d rather take a bath. She said - typical, you’d rather sit in a tub full of your own dirty water.

And so it goes on. If I see her out I’m determined that one song simply has to played at her funeral. Mud, mud, glorious mud! Wallow in it with me, do!


  1. There isn't a line in this great piece that hasn't got a belly laugh in it. This is really the tops.

  2. :-) Thanks for the smiles...

  3. The first line had me laughing and I didn't stop, this was just a delight to read... brilliant! :o)

  4. I laughed all through it!

    However, I do know someone like her. And I don't visit her ever!

    my monkey reads you well

  5. Keith hey there sweety I promised I would tell you as soon as I was up an running again with a new blog. Well I am back so spread the word and come and see me please. Thanks hugs to you.

  6. this was enjoyablw !!

  7. Your dear ex wouldn't like me one bit..., lol. With all these horses and rain, mud has become my middle name, lol.



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