Monday, September 20, 2010

Mud mud glorious mud!


This weeks prompt on Sunday Scribblings is the word Clean


I don’t know why she married me. The only thing we have in common is that we got married on the same day. The wedding was such a miserable affair, that even the cake was in tiers.


Thing is she’s got this obsession with cleaning. Hoovering here, scrubbing there, she even polishes the parrots beak! I ask you! She washes the garden path and shampoos the cat. The other day she was on her knees with her head in the washing machine. What are you doing I said. I’m washing the washing machine she said, it's had dirty clothes in it.  Last week she complained that the garden borders looked dirty! They are made of dirt I said. No she said, they are filled with soil. Okay I said, they are soiled. She gave me a filthy look.

She even accuses me of being dirty! Me...dirty! She says that even my laugh is dirty. I was watching an old Rachel Welch film the other night. Wipe that filthy grin off your face she said, she’s 70 years old. Not then she wasn't I said. You’ve got a mind like a cess pit, why didn’t I marry a clean living guy she cried. Do you see what I mean? See what I have to put up with?

I swore the other day. You should have seen her face! Wash your mouth out with soap she yelled. Turn that frown upside down  I said. Last week she suddenly said - I want a fun guy.  A fungi? I asked. You mean you want a mushroom?  If looks could kill...!

Wash your grimy hands, take those mucky clothes off, get your muddy shoes off the upholstery, when did you last change your underwear, have a shower. I said I’d rather take a bath. She said - typical, you’d rather sit in a tub full of your own dirty water.

And so it goes on. If I see her out I’m determined that one song simply has to played at her funeral. Mud, mud, glorious mud! Wallow in it with me, do!


8 comments:

  1. There isn't a line in this great piece that hasn't got a belly laugh in it. This is really the tops.

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  2. :-) Thanks for the smiles...

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  3. The first line had me laughing and I didn't stop, this was just a delight to read... brilliant! :o)

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  4. I laughed all through it!

    However, I do know someone like her. And I don't visit her ever!

    my monkey reads you well

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  5. Keith hey there sweety I promised I would tell you as soon as I was up an running again with a new blog. Well I am back so spread the word and come and see me please. Thanks hugs to you. www.willowbreezerocks.blogspot.com

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  6. Your dear ex wouldn't like me one bit..., lol. With all these horses and rain, mud has become my middle name, lol.

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