Friday, April 25, 2008

writers island - outrageous

'
He was a miserable old sod. Nothing was ever right. His comment on just about everything modern started with the words ‘In my day...’

He occasionally went out. He quite liked walking along the promenade and breathing in the fresh sea air. But even that wasn’t the way it was in his day. It smelt different. It was colder or it was breezier. Just not the same.

He passed the rusting wreck of the West Pier. Why was it allowed to crumble into the sea? ‘Outrageous’ he mumbled.

His mind went back to his youth when visitors to the beach dressed in such a way as to preserve their modesty. All he saw now was acres of bare flesh in various shades of sunburned red. He tutted, shook his head and muttered ‘Outrageous’

He passed the Victorian souvenir kiosk. It still stood where it had for for as long as he could remember. At least that hadn’t changed. He remembered that in days gone by the height of daring was to buy a sunhat inscribed with the words Kiss Me Quick. The smile soon disappeared from his lips when his eyes fell upon a pile of pink confectionery fashioned in the shape of female breasts. Shirts hung from the ceiling bearing obscene slogans and postcards displayed images of naked women. ‘Outrageous’ he whispered.

A screeching child with wheels on his shoes – roller skates he thinks they were called – lost his balanced and brushed into the old gentleman’s arm. He raised his stick in the air and bellowed ‘look were you are going child!’ The youngster stopped, turned round and made an offensive gesture with his fingers. ‘Get stuffed you stupid bastard’ he yelled. ‘Outrageous’ cried the old man barely able to believe what he had heard. ‘In my day....’ But his protest went unheard.

Whilst attempting to regain his composure the old gentleman dropped his walking cane. To his utter amazement a young lady ran up to him and bent over to pick it up for him. She was wearing a particularly short skirt. A lady would never have exposed so much of her legs in his day. Something came over him. Suddenly he was seeing things in slow motion. As he stared at the perfectly formed bottom in front of him he felt the sap rise within him for the first time in years! He was suddenly overwhelmed with the desire to give it a little pinch! And pinch it he did.

The young lady sprung upwards, turned to face him and slapped him on the cheek .

‘OUTRAGEOUS’ she screamed.
'

23 comments:

  1. A twist in the tale is like your signature tune !!

    But honestly I hadn't expected this "nipped" ending ! :)

    Outrageously funny and a great read as usual !! :)

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  2. After all the old guys whingeing and whining, he joins the outrageous crowd.

    Just love it!

    Gemma

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  3. hahaha LOVE this one! Loved the comment from the kid on the skates but LOVED LoVEd loVeD the ending even more! :))
    Haven't we all known a grumpy old dude like this? haha

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  4. Kieth that was so clever! My pops was a curmudgen but loved his Playboy mags. ;)

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  5. nice play with the prompt. loved the engaging 'outrageous' scenarios. lol, i liked the ending too.

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  6. Very nicely done and outrageous he was indeed.

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  7. Well done Keith, well done indeed. You put a much needed grin on my face.

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  8. oh that was fun... even an old codger can be up to a bit of fun now and then!!!!!

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  9. Loved that! Reminded me of my Dad, who would never have resisted :-)

    But, oh, that phrase, 'in my day'. I've heard myself say it, and afterwards I've thought: 'what? I'm not dead yet!'

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  10. We're not as old as we think we are. :) Well done!

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  11. Ha..ha..ha..you're good at not taking life too seriously. I was with you on the key point that things changed and we don't. Hence, we need to adapt.

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  12. Nice, nice, nice and clever twist at end. Also loved the music. Ave Verum Corpus is one of my favorites. Thanks my friend. Reminds me of a show on PBC-BBC,

    -bd

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  13. What a lovely story! I so very much enjoyed the twist at the end ... simply outrageous :)

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  14. What an old devil. Good to know he wasn't completely past it, though. I really enjoyed this. Your characterisations are brilliant!

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  15. Keith,

    Each of the succeeding scenes made me chuckle and the finale left me laughing loud.

    I love your kind of humor, and I have to mention that there's a message that's emerging in the surface here ~ never to compare one generation from the other. This often is the cause of gap between generations when one underestimates or become judgemental of the other.

    I think old and young could always meet somewhere in between. After all, we just behave depending on the call of time, of our generation and nobody is better.

    I wish you well.

    ~ Jeques

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  16. i guess he wasn't so outraged in the end after all! quite funny with a good twist....:)

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  17. LOL! So much fun - reminds me of my Grandpa! hehe!!!

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  18. Wonderfully written. I like the way you add twist in all your tales. Have you read Roald Dahl?

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  19. :)...i loved this one... you are such a great storyteller..

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  20. Gotta love this one! You do a terrific job with these!

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  21. bwahahahahahaha! A perfect twist.

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  22. LOL - whether it be "in my day" or in their day - boys will always be boys! Great story - I love your twists and you never cease to surprise me.

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  23. Some things never change. But typical how the biggest complainers do the most uncharacteristic things.

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