I have friend called Rosey. Single, attractive, amazing sense of humour and a naivety worthy of a five year old! A sweet girl, but she is not too good at holding her drink! As a result she invariably finds herself in very amusing situations when approaching the bottom of a bottle of chardonnay! She knows that she is a constant source of amusement to her friends, and I’m certain she will have no objection should I relate some of her adventures to you from time to time!
Here's a couple of stories to give you an idea what I'm talking about.
Rosey recently felt the need to clear out her kitchen cupboards. She often had these urges after a glass of wine or three! Rummaging through the piles of out-of-date packages and bags she came across a shelf crammed with canned food which she felt was surplice to requirements. An hour later she had amassed a considerable amount of rubbish – too much to cram into her diminutive garbage bin. The obvious solution was a bonfire! So after setting alight a pile of paper and wood she placed the kitchen rubbish amid the flames then retired to her newly emptied kitchen for a celebratory libation.
As she relaxed glass in hand, she was suddenly jolted to her senses by what sounded like rapid gunfire! Rushing outside to see what was happening she found herself gazing in amazement at the side of her house which was completely plastered with baked beans, sliced peaches and marrowfat peas!
A few weeks ago we were in Belgium on a long weekend break. Well, the choice of beers there is legendary. The bar we were in offered 150 different brews, all produced in this one small country. We had one particular beer that looked fantastic in the glass, but once in the mouth had an indescribably acrid taste. A few sips later however we were hooked! It also had the strange effect of turning us all an alarming shade of red! But that’s not all it did to Rosey! It went straight to her head!
Anyway, she suddenly became aware of an urgent need for a lavatorial facility! She needed a loo and she needed it straight away! Unfortunately, access to the ladies room required the unfortunate girl to negotiate a flight of steps! Being somewhat unsteady on her legs she decided that the best way to tackle the stairs was on hands and knees! What she didn’t know however was that on the first floor was the restaurant. Unable to stagger to her feet she had no choice but to continue her journey to the toilet on all fours weaving between tables of startled onlookers!
Sometime later she came wobbling back to our table displaying a somewhat oddly shaped frontal area! Diving down the top of her blouse she commenced pulling out no less than 9 bread rolls which she had helped herself to on the way back!
‘lez av anuver dwink’ she said then slithered down the wall and fell asleep on the floor like a discarded doll.
That's our Rosey!