Wednesday, June 21, 2017

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Post 1553. Wednesday June 21

Friday Fictioneers




She was first in line at the docks, first on board and first to reach the bar.

Champagne, please. A large glass Miss? No, a bottle.

As the ferry headed out to sea she stood on the stern deck, glass in one hand, bottle in the other watching the wake tumble away. Sombre thoughts, painful memories, her reasons for living were roused by the buffeting wind. 
Please join your vehicles, a voice said.  One by one, the cars left the ferry. On the stern deck lay an empty bottle, a shattered glass and a set of keys. Down below, just one car remained.




For Friday Fictioneers which is hosted by Rochelle. Thanks to Ted Strutz for the picture.


85 comments:

  1. Alas... there are always those who never leaves. I have heard it happen (with or without Champagne)

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    1. Having spent years commuting on ferries it is a situation I've met on more than one occasion. Cheers brudberg

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  2. Dear Keith,

    We are all being sucked in by the atmosphere of the photo. Lovely writing.

    Shalom,

    Rochelle

    https://rochellewisoff.com/2017/06/21/23-june-2017/

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    1. So many possibilities. Thanks Rochelle.

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  3. Hi Keith - so often a way that is taken ... was she murdered, or did she go her own way ... way too hot today ... cheers Hilary

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    1. She jumped sadly, something I witnessed once myself. Hot it was - I climbed from Holywell to Beachy Head this afternoon!

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    2. Oh gosh ... I've never one happen - how very desperate and difficult to know. Did you climb up there - there was a cool wind blowing off the sea - it's been a blessing! It's been glorious weather ... cheers H

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  4. So sad. I love how much story is told in such a short length. You do flash fiction very well.

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  5. I really sense her desperation. Well done.
    As you'll read in my flash, we caught the Spirit of Tasmania in January and while we were waiting to go and collect our car, we'd hear these announcements for cars that hadn't been collected with more than a hint the owner had lost their car. So, I could hear that announcement repeating for your woman to return to her car when there's no return. How tragic.
    xx Rowena

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    1. Hi Rowena. I spent years crossing the channel to France every week, and this happened too often than I care to remember and it rarely even made the evening news. Thanks for dropping by.

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  6. I am hoping there is more ........

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  7. Nicely constructed and paced, Keith. Just enough detail to let us feel her desperation. Nicely done

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    1. Thanks Lynn. My first draft was about 200 words, and I could only hope that pruning it to half its length would work!

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  8. A compelling trip into serious water Keith, great atmosphere and tragic ending.

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    1. Thanks so much Iain, your thoughts are much appreciated.

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  9. Oh no! Not what I was hoping for. Good job.

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  10. You pruned this very well. Just enough detail put in and left out to make a great story. Alicia

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    1. Not the easiest of prunes, so I'm pleased it seems to have worked.

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  11. Well done, Keith. Although it does seem a waste of champagne to toss oneself off the ferry afterward...unless it was the cheap stuff. :)
    The description is excellent.

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    1. Between you and me, it was actually Cava! Thanks Sascha.

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  12. sad story somehow alleviate by the beauty of your prose.

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  13. Definitely a story for a cold and rainy day.

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    1. Indeed, however it's hot and humid here!

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  14. Somber and sad dramatic story beautifully crafted. It takes the reader in and leaves us shocked.
    I loved this story.
    Isadora ��

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    1. Your comment is really appreciated. Thank you.

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  15. So sad. It takes so much pain to get to this point.

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  16. Really well told and the ending so poignant. Christine

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  17. Chilling story, well done. That has happened twice in the 20 years I have lived here. So sad.

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  18. Oh dear! I didn't see that coming. Well done!

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    1. Mission accomplished! Thanks very much.

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  19. Beautifully crafted in so few words. Very well done, Keith.

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  20. Beautiful writing, Keith. This is one of your best.

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  21. Wow, powerful story. Very nicely done!

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  22. Oh she jumped, right? That was an amazing read. I love these type of stories, where you have to deduced what happened by judging the atmosphere and circumstances presented in the story. Beautifully written.

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    1. She certainly did! I'm so pleased you liked it

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  23. Too many suicides this week! Mind you, it's interesting to see the different versions...

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    1. I agree! I normally wait a while and read others before submit mine to avoid a popular theme, but this week I jumped in the water early. Cheers Dale

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  24. Oh my...yours is a bit like mine, isn't it? Let's blame it on the rain.

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    1. That occured to me when I read yours! Cheers Dawn.

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  25. A champagne before dying. A sad and atmospheric piece, nicely done.

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  26. This makes me believe she wanted to leave her troubled past behind her permanently. Of course, she could be leaving with someone else on the ferry. Either way it's good writing, Keith. :) --- Suzanne

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    1. I must admit, it hadn't occured to me that she may have left with another! I wonder if that's what happened? Thanks Suzanne.

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  27. As her reasons for living were 'roused' rather than dashed by the wind, one assumes she is still with us, somewhere? You'll have to write a follow-up!

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    1. Maybe she is, maybe not - even I don't know! I am considering either a prequel or sequel! Thanks so much Liz

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  28. Oh, no! I didn't expect her to have jumped. I thought she just got blotto. Well written.

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    1. Blotto first jumped second! Thanks so much Clare

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  29. And that's how life fizzles out? Leaves me a bit pensive. Well woven words!

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    1. Indeed it is. Thanks for commenting Elora

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  30. I'd like to believe she walked into an unknown new life...

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  31. That is such an atmospheric and sad story, Keith. You've set the scene so well. Excellent writing.

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  32. A great sense of sadness and despair, and we go away wondering why. Well done.

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    1. We certainly do. Thanks for dropping by sarah

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  33. A mini mystery!
    Left me with a chill...but then I'm reading some 'fun' murder mystery series
    (Yes it's Jules from Al's place...dreamy dragon... I have/had a Blogspot for ease of commenting.)

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  34. Beautifully written so the reader can fill in the detail for themselves. Well done Keith.

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    1. That's much appreciated OE. Thank you.

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  35. wow powerfull and heart wrenching

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