Post 1553. Wednesday June 21
Friday Fictioneers
She was first in line at the docks, first on board and first to reach the bar.
Champagne, please. A large glass Miss? No, a bottle.
As the ferry headed out to sea she stood on the stern deck, glass in one hand, bottle in the other watching the wake tumble away. Sombre thoughts, painful memories, her reasons for living were roused by the buffeting wind.
Please join your vehicles, a voice said. One by one, the cars left the ferry. On the stern deck lay an empty bottle, a shattered glass and a set of keys. Down below, just one car remained.
For Friday Fictioneers which is hosted by Rochelle. Thanks to Ted Strutz for the picture.
Intriguing ....
ReplyDeleteI hoped so! Thanks Reena
DeleteAlas... there are always those who never leaves. I have heard it happen (with or without Champagne)
ReplyDeleteHaving spent years commuting on ferries it is a situation I've met on more than one occasion. Cheers brudberg
DeleteDear Keith,
ReplyDeleteWe are all being sucked in by the atmosphere of the photo. Lovely writing.
Shalom,
Rochelle
https://rochellewisoff.com/2017/06/21/23-june-2017/
So many possibilities. Thanks Rochelle.
DeleteVery visual!
ReplyDeleteThanks Danny
DeleteHi Keith - so often a way that is taken ... was she murdered, or did she go her own way ... way too hot today ... cheers Hilary
ReplyDeleteShe jumped sadly, something I witnessed once myself. Hot it was - I climbed from Holywell to Beachy Head this afternoon!
DeleteOh gosh ... I've never one happen - how very desperate and difficult to know. Did you climb up there - there was a cool wind blowing off the sea - it's been a blessing! It's been glorious weather ... cheers H
DeleteSo sad. I love how much story is told in such a short length. You do flash fiction very well.
ReplyDeleteVery kind of you Crystal, thank you.
DeleteI really sense her desperation. Well done.
ReplyDeleteAs you'll read in my flash, we caught the Spirit of Tasmania in January and while we were waiting to go and collect our car, we'd hear these announcements for cars that hadn't been collected with more than a hint the owner had lost their car. So, I could hear that announcement repeating for your woman to return to her car when there's no return. How tragic.
xx Rowena
Hi Rowena. I spent years crossing the channel to France every week, and this happened too often than I care to remember and it rarely even made the evening news. Thanks for dropping by.
DeleteI am hoping there is more ........
ReplyDeleteSadly in her case, no. Cheers.
DeleteNicely constructed and paced, Keith. Just enough detail to let us feel her desperation. Nicely done
ReplyDeleteThanks Lynn. My first draft was about 200 words, and I could only hope that pruning it to half its length would work!
DeleteA compelling trip into serious water Keith, great atmosphere and tragic ending.
ReplyDeleteThanks so much Iain, your thoughts are much appreciated.
DeleteOh no! Not what I was hoping for. Good job.
ReplyDeleteSorry about that! Thanks Linda
DeleteYou pruned this very well. Just enough detail put in and left out to make a great story. Alicia
ReplyDeleteNot the easiest of prunes, so I'm pleased it seems to have worked.
DeleteOh my...
ReplyDeleteIndeed! Cheers James.
DeleteWow! I got chills.
ReplyDeleteI did whilst writing it! Thanks Darla
DeleteWell done, Keith. Although it does seem a waste of champagne to toss oneself off the ferry afterward...unless it was the cheap stuff. :)
ReplyDeleteThe description is excellent.
Between you and me, it was actually Cava! Thanks Sascha.
DeleteChilling
ReplyDeleteIndeed. Thanks Balaka
Deletesad story somehow alleviate by the beauty of your prose.
ReplyDeleteThanks for your kind words plaridel
DeleteDefinitely a story for a cold and rainy day.
ReplyDeleteIndeed, however it's hot and humid here!
DeleteSomber and sad dramatic story beautifully crafted. It takes the reader in and leaves us shocked.
ReplyDeleteI loved this story.
Isadora ��
Your comment is really appreciated. Thank you.
DeleteSo sad. It takes so much pain to get to this point.
ReplyDeleteIndeed. Thanks so much
DeleteReally well told and the ending so poignant. Christine
ReplyDeleteThanks so much Christine
DeleteExquisite!
ReplyDeleteSo kind, thank you.
DeleteChilling story, well done. That has happened twice in the 20 years I have lived here. So sad.
ReplyDeleteSad indeed. Thanks ted.
DeleteOh dear! I didn't see that coming. Well done!
ReplyDeleteMission accomplished! Thanks very much.
DeleteWell done!
ReplyDeleteCheers Danny
DeleteBeautifully crafted in so few words. Very well done, Keith.
ReplyDeleteMuch appreciated neel
DeleteBeautiful writing, Keith. This is one of your best.
ReplyDeleteWow! Thanks so much.
DeleteWow, powerful story. Very nicely done!
ReplyDeleteThanks so much Alistair
DeleteOh she jumped, right? That was an amazing read. I love these type of stories, where you have to deduced what happened by judging the atmosphere and circumstances presented in the story. Beautifully written.
ReplyDeleteShe certainly did! I'm so pleased you liked it
DeleteToo many suicides this week! Mind you, it's interesting to see the different versions...
ReplyDeleteI agree! I normally wait a while and read others before submit mine to avoid a popular theme, but this week I jumped in the water early. Cheers Dale
DeleteOh my...yours is a bit like mine, isn't it? Let's blame it on the rain.
ReplyDeleteThat occured to me when I read yours! Cheers Dawn.
DeleteA champagne before dying. A sad and atmospheric piece, nicely done.
ReplyDeleteWay to go! Thanks Subroto
DeleteThis makes me believe she wanted to leave her troubled past behind her permanently. Of course, she could be leaving with someone else on the ferry. Either way it's good writing, Keith. :) --- Suzanne
ReplyDeleteI must admit, it hadn't occured to me that she may have left with another! I wonder if that's what happened? Thanks Suzanne.
DeleteAs her reasons for living were 'roused' rather than dashed by the wind, one assumes she is still with us, somewhere? You'll have to write a follow-up!
ReplyDeleteMaybe she is, maybe not - even I don't know! I am considering either a prequel or sequel! Thanks so much Liz
DeleteOh, no! I didn't expect her to have jumped. I thought she just got blotto. Well written.
ReplyDeleteBlotto first jumped second! Thanks so much Clare
DeleteAnd that's how life fizzles out? Leaves me a bit pensive. Well woven words!
ReplyDeleteIndeed it is. Thanks for commenting Elora
DeleteI'd like to believe she walked into an unknown new life...
ReplyDelete...or swam into it! Thanks Shadow
DeleteThat is such an atmospheric and sad story, Keith. You've set the scene so well. Excellent writing.
ReplyDeleteThat's most kind of you Sarah
DeleteA great sense of sadness and despair, and we go away wondering why. Well done.
ReplyDeleteWe certainly do. Thanks for dropping by sarah
DeleteA mini mystery!
ReplyDeleteLeft me with a chill...but then I'm reading some 'fun' murder mystery series
(Yes it's Jules from Al's place...dreamy dragon... I have/had a Blogspot for ease of commenting.)
Hi Jules. Not to chilly I hope!
DeleteBeautifully written so the reader can fill in the detail for themselves. Well done Keith.
ReplyDeleteThat's much appreciated OE. Thank you.
Deletewow powerfull and heart wrenching
ReplyDeleteThanks so much Marja.
ReplyDelete