Wednesday, October 21, 2015

Nothing

I wasn’t participating when this photo prompt first appeared, but I am now! Thanks Rochelle Wisoff-Fields for hosting Friday Fictioneers. I wish I'd found this site three years ago!






picture: ron pruitt 


Our packed coach winds its way along the mountain pass.

We enter a tunnel. One by one, the lights flicker out. The chattering passengers fall silent. The thrum of the engine fades away.  

Darkness, silence. Total darkness, total silence.

We emerge from the tunnel. I am alone. Alone but for the driver. I speak. He turns to face me. His white face featureless, blank. He takes his hands from the wheel as we approached a bend.

We fall, down, down, tumbling into a rocky ravine. I feel nothing.

I look down from above. I hear cries, I see smoke. There is nothing I can do.

Nothing.





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42 comments:

  1. I think this is excellent. Well done!

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  2. The end seems almost pre-destined.

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    1. Indeed it does. Thanks once again for dropping by, it's much appreciated.

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  3. Aaargh! This is frighteningly real...

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    1. I hope not or I'm never going on a coach again!

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  4. Replies
    1. I glad you did! Good to see you here again.

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    1. I scared myself writing it! Thanks Caerlynn.

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  6. Having read most of this week's contributions, I am assuming that in the USA the vehicle you see in the photo is a bus. In the UK we see a coach, a bus being a basic low loader utility vehicle that potters around town constantly picking up and dropping folk who's only luggage is a shopping bag! Coaches are long distance comfortable means of transport with a luggage hold. Vive la différence!

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  7. I was hoping it was a nightmare and the narrator would awaken at the end. Alas! Wonderfully horrible.

    janet

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    1. I'm not a fan of happy endings! Thanks Janet.

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  8. Oh! Put your story and my story together and ... whoa!

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  9. eye opening lines,
    glad that you have continued to write.

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    1. Nine years of this blog and there's no way I'm stopping yet! Thanks ESTJB

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  10. http://bluebellbooks.blogspot.in/

    check out short story slam week 31 today.

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    1. Interesting! I hope you enjoyed my story.

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  11. What a terrifying and vividly painted word-picture of a nightmare ride into hell!
    Well-done!
    ~VIjaya (Dreamer of Dreams)
    http://magicsurrealist2013.me/2015/10/22/jeffersons-big-day/

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    1. Thanks VIaya. Time to visit you methinks!

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  12. This has a mysterious, floating feeling that is not at all comfortable. Mission accomplished I presume.

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    1. Indeed it is Alicia! thanks for dropping by.

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  13. Intriguing tale.
    Some sort of route to the afterlife, as I read it.

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    1. Not the nicest route to take! Thanks so much for taking the time to visit me.

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  14. Very eerie. Yes we call them buses. Would not want to be on that bus ride. :)

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    1. It was quite scary enough just writing about it! Thanks Deborah.

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  15. That's a one way ticket for sure. This piece is hypnotic - you can't look away even though you know what is happening. Very good. Thanks for the ride,
    Tracey

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  16. Dear Keith,

    There's something eerie about a face with no features, isn't there? Spooky and well written.

    Shalom,

    Rochelle

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    1. I see the odd blank expression but fortunately not any featureless ones! Thanks Rochelle.

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  17. WOW! Just- from the stories- as I think that I am missing something form never riding a bus.... Then this!!! Well done!

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    1. Fortunately, this doesn't happen too often!

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  18. A good scary story to prime us for the upcoming holiday.

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  19. Great story about an out-of-body experience after death. Really creepy and a great Halloween story, Keith. Well written with a twist at the end. :) --- Suzanne

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  20. Spine-chilling. Great build -up of tension. The way your story moves from the world of the living to a horrible vision of death is masterful.

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