Written for Carry On Tuesday # 128, 'sitting alone listening to the silence'
Another Saturday night and he was leaning on the bar of a nearly empty pub, staring into a beer glass counting the bubbles as they burst, one by one by one. Once again Tecno Geek was sitting alone listening to the silence. Then a girl sidled up the bar with two empty glasses attempting to catch the eye of the barmaid. ‘Don’t I know you?’ she asked Tecno. ‘I‘m Sell, Sell Fone from Mobile World; you were in our shop the other day’. He looked at her for a second or two then her face rang a bell. ‘That’s right’ he said. ‘I was fed up with my Blackberry letting me down so you sold me an Apple . Now that’s giving me the pip too – I feel like wrapping them in pastry and baking them in a pie.
‘I might have just what you need’ said Sell as she fished in her bag. She pulled out a card and gave it to Tecno. This guy does the latest thing in the communication biz. It’s called MolarFon. Go see him’. And with that she tottered off with her freshly recharged glasses.
The next day Tecno was standing at the top of a flight of steps in front of a grand door. On it was a sparkling metal plate bearing the legend ‘Doctor Cawlan Receve, Registered Fontist’. He pushed open the door and ventured inside.
Minutes later Tecno was laying back in a chair, mouth wide open, with all kinds of gleaming instruments of torture around him. This won’t hurt said Doctor Cawlan as he started frantically prodding, poking and drilling in Tecno’s mouth. Suddenly he stopped and the chair sprung into an upright position. The good Doctor grabbed Tecno’s right hand and proceeded to stab the ends of his thumb and fingers with little needles.
He was then ejected from the chair and taken to a sofa where the grinning Doctor handed him a book of instructions and a sizeable bill. He then reversed away and went back into his surgery.
Suddenly a ringing sound appeared in Tecno’s head and he could feel one of his teeth vibrating. ‘What do I do now?’ muttered Tecno as he leafed through his manual. Got it! ‘To take a call press thumb on tip of index finger’ it said. The voice of Doctor Receive filled his head. ‘Welcome to the world of MolarFon’ he said. ‘Please settle my account before you leave’ and with that he rang off.
Now Tecno Geek is the envy of all that meet him. He’s the centre of attention. He only has to press his thumb to his middle finger, utter a contacts name and he’s connected. To text, he presses his thumb on his third finger then speaks his message! Wonderful. He’s still got a bit of toothache but that’s small price to pay for being at the forefront of toothology.
He called Sell Fone the other day to thank her. He was eating a particularly spicy Indian meal at the time and Sell was suddenly overcome by the smell of curry. And when his Mother called he felt sure he could taste the revolting sweet tea she was drinking. But as he says, it’s new so there are bound to be a few teething problems!