Saturday, May 21, 2011

The end of the world!!



Dear Diary May 21 2011

Apparently the world is due to end at six o’clock. Blimey, that crept up on us without much warning. Millions of years  the earth’s been here, and all we get is an ‘and finally’ item at the end of the news telling us that we’ll all be floating around in space in a few hours time. They’ve not even given us enough time to pack a few bits and pieces. According to the newsreader, if I’ve been a good boy, Scotty will beam me up to paradise. I can only hope that there’s free Wi-Fi when I get there. What am I saying; I may end up stoking the furnace down below! Hell’s teeth! Better pack my shorts just in case.

What’s the time? Mmm, five o’clock. Earlier I set up a reminder on my Sky TV box so I don’t miss a particularly interesting programme on BBC Two at six. With a bit of luck there’ll be a delay on the world ending so I’ll at least see the beginning half an hour or so. After all, my train was thirty five minutes last night and that’s only a local service. The end of the world is far more complicated to arrange, and it’s the first time they’ve ever attempted it.

Let’s think positively. If the world switches off in the next few hours I won’t have to worry about who wins Idol, after all, it has to be the poorest line up of non-talent yet. Do you remember when the Titanic sank? The band played on. I can only hope that that strange teenage boy with the deep voice isn’t providing the entertainment for our send off! Just thought of another bonus ; I won’t have to endure the Olympics next year. I had planned to escape to a remote island whilst it was on, but now I’ll be able to save the expense.

What’s the time now? Five twenty. Not long to go. I could open that wonderful bottle of 1984 Bolly I’ve been saving for a special occasion. Not sure. It would fetch a fair price on Ebay, and if those doom mongers are wrong I’ll have slugged a pretty valuable asset. I think I’ll stick to supermarket plonk I normally throw back just in case.

I’ve just had an email from my friend in New Zealand. They had their six o’clock this evening this morning if you get what I mean. The fact that I received it a couple of minutes ago is a fair indication that the pessimists got it wrong. Having said that I keep getting told how wonderful NZ is, so it may just have been spared.


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Hi, just had a wonderful last supper of chips and chocolate biscuits. A quick look at the timepiece on my wrist tells me that it’s a couple of minutes to six. It’ll be goodbye world in a few moments! This is so exciting! Do you detect a sense of sarcasm in my words?

Right, count down time. Five, four, three, two, one, zero – nothing! So it’s back to the daily grind, back to life as we know it. As I thought the prophets of doom got it wWwwrOnggGgg..............................
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9 comments:

  1. Hi Keith! The BEST thing about end of days calamities is that they pass us by and we get to read fun stuff such as this. Oh! And yeah. NZ probably got a pass. NZ is the new Alaska in my book. Running away from the world? Head south and I don't mean Hades.

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  2. It's 6:00 EST as I type this. Hmmm.

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  3. Here in NZ we are have all the prophets of doom in government. Keeps em occupied cocking up the country rather than the world......

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  4. lol yep all stil there. NZ is not always getting spared though, we are stil a bit shaky here. But stil a paradise here.

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  5. Well you certainly woke the Kiwis up with this fun piece. Man has got a pretty inflated view of himself to think that the end of the world is all about him. We are just a fleabite in the whole picture. I think I just mixed my metaphors there!

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  6. bless you.

    have a lovely time.

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  7. Check out our short story slam today,

    We love creativity, your input is valued.

    Cheers.
    Happy Friday!
    Hope to see you in!

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  8. Did the world end at your house? You haven't posted since :)

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  9. It might have well have done! I've had no internet for ages!But I'm back folks!

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