Right, I have my props; a stool, a silly hat, two balloons filled with water, they love that part of my act, and a glass of wine which is really vinegar! I hope it’s a good audience, and I hope I can find a willing victim to hypnotise. Quick glass of water, my throats a bit dry........ that’s better. There goes the music. I love this bit when the voice booms out across the theatre announcing my name..... fantastic. Curtain’s opening, must get on stage.
Ouch those lights are bright tonight! Listen to that applause. I hope they are as enthusiastic when I finish in 30 minutes time!
So far so good. They laughed at my jokes especially the one about that bloke in the front row with bald head. Let’s find a suitable person to join me on stage. She looks a bit prissy, hardly giggled. I suppose I could use her. No, it has to be him just over there. He’s been showing off to his mates and trying to make clever comments since I started. Here he comes. Perfect. I’ll teach him to try and take the Mickey out of me.
Mmm. Not sure if he’s going under or not. Let’s click my fingers again. No, he’s pretending, he wouldn’t have let out that stupid snort if he was and he’s still mucking about a bit. The audience is very quiet though. They must be enjoying it. They’re spellbound. Right, 15 minutes gone, we are half way through. I need to get things moving.
The audience really is quiet. My stooges mates aren’t even responding to his showing off. Hang on a minute. When I said the crowd were spellbound, I don’t think I was wrong. I seem to have hypnotised... them, not... err...him. What on earth do I do now? I have half of my act to go. Oh dear, my unresponsive victim has stormed of stage and he’s shaking his friends. Only one thing for it. I’ll get them all barking like dogs. That was great. Now I’ll get them shaking hands with each other. Now I’ll try to get them back with a click of my fingers. Oh dear, it didn’t work. Try again. Click. Nothing.
What to do? What to do? Paul McKenna where are you when I need you? Got it. I’ll get them all to clap and cheer. Great. A couple of bows, a cheery wave, I’ll thank them all for coming then exit stage right!
Right, run for it before the management realise they are still under my influence! Down the steps, good, the door to the street is open....here goes...RUN!
Written for both Writers Island and Sunday Scribblings
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