Thursday, November 22, 2007

A selection of mini-posts

A whale tail




Last week a minke whale weighing in at 12 tons was found 994 miles up the Amazon deep inside the rain forest. A massive operation was undertaken to turn the hapless creature around and send it back out to sea. Unfortunately the efforts were in vain and it sadly snuffed it. I was thinking. Had it been a shrimp or a sardine, would it have attracted so much attention from the world's media ? If not, why not?


A load of garbage



I heard on the news today about an elderly man who perished under a pile of rubbish. Seems he had been hoarding papers and magazines for years. So much so that he had created a network of tunnels in which to move around his house. Apparently one became unstable and he became buried. The rescue service had to remove 4 tons of rubbish before they could recover his body through a window.



Thought for the day


What's the definition of a pessimist? A pessimist is a well-informed optimist.




Beer sales are ailing!



The sale of beer in public houses in the UK is at the lowest level since 1930. This is due in no small part to the ban on smoking which came in in July. As the Winter settles in, the thought of standing outside in the freezing cold is a far from pleasant prospect. Another reason is that the tax on beer has risen disproportionately in recent times. Spirit tax has increased by 2%, wine by 16% and beer a wacking 27%. Also the differential between pub prices and those charged by supermarkets is enormous ,with many of the major players selling alcohol at below cost price.
Back in the 30’s most workers had manual jobs. Mining, construction and factory work. It was quite normal to quench the thirst at the end of the day by drinking half a dozen pint or so. Today’s office worker is more likely to share a bottle of wine. Whilst the growth in wine sales is significant. It has done little to replace the loss of beer sales suffered by the on-trade. .




Gobble gobble hiss!













As Christmas approaches the turkey population has started it’s annual campaign to persuade us all to eat anything but them this year!







Cheffies new wheels.


Sadly my car was written off in an unfortunate accident recently. Whilst I lived to tell the tale, my little red car didn’t! So I got a new one. I believe it's termed a compact in the US. It’s in a fetching shade of green with a hint of black. So I have decided to celebrate by offering a bar of Green and Blacks chocolate to the first person to correctly identify the make and model from these pictures.


















Talking of cars......

My friend was speeding along the road one day when a traffic cop pulled him over.


"What's wrong, officer?" he asked.


"Well didn't you know that your wife fell out of the car about five miles back?" said the officer.


"Ah, praise God!" my friend replied with relief. "I thought I'd gone deaf!"



Baby boozers.


The present age at which young people may drink alcohol is 18. There is now a campaign to lower the permissible age to 16. It is generally though that it is preferable to have youngsters drinking in a controlled environment rather than behind a bike shed. It would also bring the UK in line with France, Portugal, Denmark, Austria and Spain. As long as there is a decent ID system, I believe there is a case for lowering the age limit to 16 in professionally
supervised establishments such as pubs, clubs and restaurants.



Let us pray
.
Our lager,


Which art in barrels,


Hollowed be thy drink.


I will be drunk,


At home as in the tavern.


Give us this day our foamy head,


and forgive us our spillages,


As we forgive those who spill against us.


And lead us not into incarceration,


But deliver us from hang overs.


For thine is the beer,


the bitter and the lager.


Forever and ever,


Barmen.



Tinsel and Turkey



I love being in Eastbourne at this time of the year. The last of the tourists have departed and the thousands of foreign students are back overseas. The seafront which a few weeks ago was crowded with holidaymakers is almost deserted. There is however one annual phenomenon which is now underway. It’s known as Tinsel and Turkey! Hundred of coaches arrive from the north delivering thousands of oldies to the highly decorated seafront hotels to enjoy a pre Christmas knees-up. Fortunately they tend not to venture out!

And finally

Why did the blonde tip-toe past the medicine cabinet? So she wouldn't wake up the sleeping pills.

13 comments:

  1. I don't have two clues as to the make of your new automobile, but I am sitting here with a nice cup of Lady Grey, contemplating the color.

    ReplyDelete
  2. Hi Keith Can't miss you guys. I am at work and it is quiet at the computer centre. 30 degrees outside. Here the pubs are quite full Don't know were they do it from. The drinking age is here just lowered to 18 but they talking about raising it again. i agree with you. if they want to they drink anyway and uncontrolled. Binge drinking is a big problem here. Like your jokes

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  3. Is it an Audi? It is compact that is for sure!! Toyota Camry? Celica? Ford Focus? okay I give up. Glad to hear you are okay though, sorry to hear about the accident.

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  4. Hey there sir. I love the color choice very nice. However I have been trying to reach you and it doesn't seem to be working. Okay well I have been trying to figure out just what it is you might have gotten I am going to say a 2005 BMW the exact model I don't know. I will continue to think on what it is.

    ReplyDelete
  5. Hi there,

    I am going to give you three of my guesses that I think this could be.

    1.Toyota celica
    2. Honda Civic
    3. Nissan Sentra

    Okay that is as good as my guesses get right now.

    ReplyDelete
  6. Gimme hasn't a clue, Missy missed it by miles but Jadey came very close. It's even possible that it's known by a different model name in the US.

    Marja - thanks for taking time out to visit me.

    c'est moi - amen indeed!

    ReplyDelete
  7. Beer sales down?
    Once I read that I was too upset to finish the rest of the post.
    Sending good vibes your way from New York,
    Frances

    ReplyDelete
  8. I suppose I can cheat? I am going to show the photographs to my husband -who usually makes a good guess with anything involving vehicles :), so you will be hearing from me soon, hope the chocolate bar is still around?

    I loved the optimist-pessimist def. Thank you.

    ReplyDelete
  9. I suppose I can cheat? I am going to show the photographs to my husband -who usually makes a good guess with anything involving vehicles :), so you will be hearing from me soon, hope the chocolate bar is still around?

    I loved the optimist-pessimist def. Thank you.

    ReplyDelete
  10. Nice wheels!

    Drinking age of 16 seems very young. Probably means they'll start drinking even earlier. Yikes!

    ReplyDelete
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