In a couple of days our pubs will be smoke free!
Saturday July 1st will go down in English history as the day that changed the nature - and the smell, of our country's hostelries.
So I have decided to mark the passing of the ancient tradition of smoking at the bar. I will smoke a cigar in the last few minutes before the ban comes into force.
Not any old cigar. I have purchased a fine specimen. A bundle of the finest tobacco leaf, skillfully fashioned and rolled on the thigh of a Cuban virgin.
Armed with an Edinburgh crystal glass of a superb Scotch malt whisky, I will slice off the top of my cigar and light it with a taper. There I will sit in a cloud of mahogany brown smoke, with a smile on my face and a feeling of utter contentment.
At the stroke of midnight I will stub out the remaining piece and carefully wrap it. For several days I will allow it to dry out, after which time I will coat it with varnish and mount it on a plinth of polished oak. It will remain on my mantelpiece, as a reminder of the day that a basic liberty was stripped away from the people of England.
The whole thing however, could go horribly wrong. I am an non-smoker! Instead of my defiant last stand, I could become a choking vomiting wreck curled up on the toilet floor!
So why am I doing it? Simply because I am opposed to the ban. Nothing more - nothing less!
Want to know how I got on? Click here!