'What a goal!'. If you watched all the coverage of football matches on Saturday nights' telly, how many times do you think you'd hear that screeched?. It dosn't even make sense if you think about it, yet you hear it over and over and over again. But that's just one of the infuriating things comentators say.
'Owen's running back up the pitch and he's thinking "arn't I a clever young man - what a spiffing goal" '. Why do commentators put words in players minds and mouths? How do they know what they're thinking and saying? In any case, if he's thinking at all - which is debatable -it's more likely to be "that showed the f******* b*******s".
And why do they have to shout?. They're usually in a special booth away from the hoards. Surely the technology exists to provide a mike they can speak into at normal volume rather than bellow as if they've only been given a megaphone.
And what is their purpose in life anyway? If you go to the match you don't have a commentary. At Wimbledon you don't have someone bellowing - "andHenmannservestotheoffsidcourtforehand return - no - backhand(gasp) returnfromtheyoungScothenmanddoeatriplesalcobeforesmashingitintothenet.(gasp) My word, what do you have to say Jimmy?" .
Have you noticed just how many victories are 'famous' these days? 'Yet another famous win for Manchester United'. How can something that has just happened be famous? Waterloo was a famous battle - the Millenium dome was a famous flop. And sporting icons are created daily! What's that all about?
Nothing to do with the subject, but talking of microphone technology just reminded me of something, Can anyone tell me why Noel Edmunds, on his infuriatingly tedious Deal or No Deal, has two massive peices of electrical equipment strapped to his waist?. Presumably they are to do with communication between him and the control room, though in this age of miniturisation, surely it would be possible to provide something a tad smaller. After all, I can speak to someone the other side of the world using a devise the size of a fag packet!. And he dosn't need them to talk to the banker (whom I understand to be the associate producer) because he uses the good old dog and bone. Madness.
Weather forecasters. Now they a breed all of their own. Not all of course, there is one notable exception. But many seem to have been to a taught a method of delivery reserved especally for them. They like to insert the letter 'a' into sentances. 'There is an anticyclone out to the a-west which is a-likely to produce a-rain'. And that strange rhythm pattern. 'the north wind will make it .... feel........very.................cold'
Then there are polical correspondents who love putting words into politicians mouths' preceeding them with the word 'look'. 'Mr Blair met Mr Bush today and what he said was "look - blah blah blah" '. No he didn't. John Prescott may have said 'look - there's a pork pie', but generally policos don't start every sentence with 'look'.
And staying on the subject of telly, what about those continuity announcers?. You have just watched an amazing piece of drama which ended in a mindblowing climax. You begin to recover your composure whilst the credits start to roll. A piece of carefully selected mood music wafts over you when suddenly a voice booms out at you 'and next - the latest episode of You Wouldn't Believe What Your Neighbours Are UpTo'.
Or worse - they tell you about the programme after next, or one next month!
Don't it make you mad!!!