writers island - outrageous

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He was a miserable old sod. Nothing was ever right. His comment on just about everything modern started with the words ‘In my day...’

He occasionally went out. He quite liked walking along the promenade and breathing in the fresh sea air. But even that wasn’t the way it was in his day. It smelt different. It was colder or it was breezier. Just not the same.

He passed the rusting wreck of the West Pier. Why was it allowed to crumble into the sea? ‘Outrageous’ he mumbled.

His mind went back to his youth when visitors to the beach dressed in such a way as to preserve their modesty. All he saw now was acres of bare flesh in various shades of sunburned red. He tutted, shook his head and muttered ‘Outrageous’

He passed the Victorian souvenir kiosk. It still stood where it had for for as long as he could remember. At least that hadn’t changed. He remembered that in days gone by the height of daring was to buy a sunhat inscribed with the words Kiss Me Quick. The smile soon disappeared from his lips when his eyes fell upon a pile of pink confectionery fashioned in the shape of female breasts. Shirts hung from the ceiling bearing obscene slogans and postcards displayed images of naked women. ‘Outrageous’ he whispered.

A screeching child with wheels on his shoes – roller skates he thinks they were called – lost his balanced and brushed into the old gentleman’s arm. He raised his stick in the air and bellowed ‘look were you are going child!’ The youngster stopped, turned round and made an offensive gesture with his fingers. ‘Get stuffed you stupid bastard’ he yelled. ‘Outrageous’ cried the old man barely able to believe what he had heard. ‘In my day....’ But his protest went unheard.

Whilst attempting to regain his composure the old gentleman dropped his walking cane. To his utter amazement a young lady ran up to him and bent over to pick it up for him. She was wearing a particularly short skirt. A lady would never have exposed so much of her legs in his day. Something came over him. Suddenly he was seeing things in slow motion. As he stared at the perfectly formed bottom in front of him he felt the sap rise within him for the first time in years! He was suddenly overwhelmed with the desire to give it a little pinch! And pinch it he did.

The young lady sprung upwards, turned to face him and slapped him on the cheek .

‘OUTRAGEOUS’ she screamed.
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