I wasn’t participating when this photo prompt first appeared, but I am now! Thanks Rochelle Wisoff-Fields for hosting Friday Fictioneers. I wish I'd found this site three years ago!
picture: ron pruitt
Our packed coach winds its way along the mountain pass.
We enter a tunnel. One by one, the lights flicker out. The chattering passengers fall silent. The thrum of the engine fades away.
Darkness, silence. Total darkness, total silence.
We emerge from the tunnel. I am alone. Alone but for the driver. I speak. He turns to face me. His white face featureless, blank. He takes his hands from the wheel as we approached a bend.
We fall, down, down, tumbling into a rocky ravine. I feel nothing.
I look down from above. I hear cries, I see smoke. There is nothing I can do.
Nothing.
Nothing.
. .
I think this is excellent. Well done!
ReplyDeleteThank you so much Sandra
DeleteThe end seems almost pre-destined.
ReplyDeleteIndeed it does. Thanks once again for dropping by, it's much appreciated.
DeleteAaargh! This is frighteningly real...
ReplyDeleteI hope not or I'm never going on a coach again!
DeleteVery spooky, I love it.
ReplyDeleteI glad you did! Good to see you here again.
DeleteScary! I like it! :-)
ReplyDeleteI scared myself writing it! Thanks Caerlynn.
DeleteHaving read most of this week's contributions, I am assuming that in the USA the vehicle you see in the photo is a bus. In the UK we see a coach, a bus being a basic low loader utility vehicle that potters around town constantly picking up and dropping folk who's only luggage is a shopping bag! Coaches are long distance comfortable means of transport with a luggage hold. Vive la différence!
ReplyDeleteI almost replied to myself then!
DeleteI was hoping it was a nightmare and the narrator would awaken at the end. Alas! Wonderfully horrible.
ReplyDeletejanet
I'm not a fan of happy endings! Thanks Janet.
DeleteOh! Put your story and my story together and ... whoa!
ReplyDeleteOn my way!
Deleteeye opening lines,
ReplyDeleteglad that you have continued to write.
Nine years of this blog and there's no way I'm stopping yet! Thanks ESTJB
Deletehttp://bluebellbooks.blogspot.in/
ReplyDeletecheck out short story slam week 31 today.
Interesting! I hope you enjoyed my story.
DeleteWhat a terrifying and vividly painted word-picture of a nightmare ride into hell!
ReplyDeleteWell-done!
~VIjaya (Dreamer of Dreams)
http://magicsurrealist2013.me/2015/10/22/jeffersons-big-day/
Thanks VIaya. Time to visit you methinks!
DeleteThis has a mysterious, floating feeling that is not at all comfortable. Mission accomplished I presume.
ReplyDeleteIndeed it is Alicia! thanks for dropping by.
DeleteIntriguing tale.
ReplyDeleteSome sort of route to the afterlife, as I read it.
DeleteNot the nicest route to take! Thanks so much for taking the time to visit me.
Very eerie. Yes we call them buses. Would not want to be on that bus ride. :)
ReplyDeleteIt was quite scary enough just writing about it! Thanks Deborah.
DeleteThat's a one way ticket for sure. This piece is hypnotic - you can't look away even though you know what is happening. Very good. Thanks for the ride,
ReplyDeleteTracey
Any time Tracey!
DeleteDear Keith,
ReplyDeleteThere's something eerie about a face with no features, isn't there? Spooky and well written.
Shalom,
Rochelle
I see the odd blank expression but fortunately not any featureless ones! Thanks Rochelle.
DeleteWOW! Just- from the stories- as I think that I am missing something form never riding a bus.... Then this!!! Well done!
ReplyDeleteFortunately, this doesn't happen too often!
DeleteA good scary story to prime us for the upcoming holiday.
ReplyDeleteThat's what I thought! Thanks Dawn
DeleteSpooky read! Well done.
ReplyDeleteGreat story about an out-of-body experience after death. Really creepy and a great Halloween story, Keith. Well written with a twist at the end. :) --- Suzanne
ReplyDeleteMuch appreciated Suzanne.
DeleteSpine-chilling. Great build -up of tension. The way your story moves from the world of the living to a horrible vision of death is masterful.
ReplyDeleteThanks so much for your kind words
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