The bar-room alchemist

The prompt this week at Sunday Scribblings is Alchemy

I was standing at the bar in a pub one evening. Next to me an elderly gentleman had just purchased a pint of Guinness. He held the glass up and looked lovingly at the jet black nectar within.

‘I hold in my hand proof that alchemy is not a myth’ he said and with that he gulped several deep swigs of his drink before leaving his empty glass on the bar. He wiped his mouth on the back of his hand and turned to walk towards the gentleman’s room.

As he left I called after him. ‘How can Guinness prove that alchemy is not just fiction?’ I asked.

As he pushed the toilet door open, he looked over his shoulder and pointing to his mouth he said ‘It went in as black as coal......’ 


The door closed behind him and I stood wondering what on earth he’d meant. A couple of minutes later the door swung open again and as he walked back to the bar he pointed downwards and said  ‘.....and it came out a stream of pure gold!’


I couldn’t really argue with that, so I bought him another pint.
     

          

Rosey's allotment - what a mess!

When Rosey tootled off to Africa to be a good person for six months, she gave me the dubious honour of becoming the Custodian of Pinkerton Acres, her allotment! I have to admit that I hadn’t been near the place since November and as everything looked very asleep I decided to leave it for a while. Rosey is due back next month so I thought I’d better take a look and see if anything needed doing. When I got there I couldn’t believe my eyes! In the words Rosey would use ‘oh....my...God’! If I was to say it had become overgrown it would be an understatement! While the spring flowers in peoples gardens have put off making an appearance until quite recently Rosey’s little bit of Eastbourne has been growing at an alarming rate!


The winter was such a harsh one that you would have thought than anything vaguely alive in November would have had the life frozen out of it by now. But obviously not. Have you read the book The Day of the Trifids? I’m sure it was a scene similar to the one that greeted me that gave John Wyndham the idea for his very scary novel! Now I’m not a great fan of sprouts at the best of times, but when they grow on massive stems taller than me and resemble green footballs they are even less appealing! As for the leeks, they looked like tree trunks! And the ground below, you couldn't see it for weeds and brambles.


Did I tell you Rosey planted a gooseberry bush? As you know she loves children which is why she is so good working with them. She’s always had this fear that she’ll grow into old age having never got round to having kids of her own. The thought of marriage doesn’t appeal to her and she doesn’t approve of what she calls ‘artificial celebration’ which she says should only be used on cows. Well, she always maintains that her parents found her under a gooseberry bush and so she thought she’d grow one of her own. We’d like to think that she’s only joking, but she always has a very serious look on her face when she mentions it. One of our friends laughed at her once and she told him that he was born under a Gastrolobium bush then strutted off to the loo. Well that wiped the smile off his face. Actually it wiped the smiles from all of our faces because we had no idea what this particular botanical object was. And in case you don’t know either I later found out that it’s a highly poisonous Australian charmer which covers itself with attractive flowers but has a habit of killing off livestock. Anyway, the gooseberry bush seems to be ok but it doesn’t appear to have produced a small person just yet!


So what I’ve done is to get together an allotment task force which will assemble on mass at the weekend armed with spades, machetes and flamethrowers in an attempt to make some sense of this jungle! I’ll let you know how we get on.

wordless wednesday

Rooftops Jaipur

Wordless Wednesday

Unfair says fairy's union

This weeks prompt at Sunday Scribblings is the single word Demands

An angry fairy after yesterdays meeting between the Fairy Godmother and the union officials

Today the fairy’s newspaper Flutter is carrying a report about looming industrial action by one of their largest groups, the Tooth Fairies. Their official trade body, the Union of Fairies also known as UNFAIR said this morning that the Fairy Godmother is planning to cut the number of fairies that are deployed in tooth collecting duties. A spokesfairy for the tooth collectors told the paper that the proposed cuts would not only put many of their group out of a job, but the workload of those remaining would be unreasonably increased.

              

They are also concerned that a gap in the tooth market would be created which would give the Bad Fairies a chance to fly into this lucrative market and undercut the amount that is currently paid for children’s teeth.

UNFAIR is making a series of demands which if not met will result in a withdrawal of labour. They include a proposal to keep the number of Tooth Fairies the same as at present whilst accepting a reduction in the number of working hours. The union says that the Fairy Godmother’s plan would leave the service operating on a wing and a prayer

The Tooth Fairies also have the support of the Fairy Dust Sprinklers who are concerned that a similar plan will shortly be announced for them. The Flower Fairies however declined to comment although the Flutter understands that they are about to whisper their concerns about the increasing number of workers suffering from hay fever and other pollen related conditions. 

This week our theme at True Colours Thursday is Rainbow

Graffiti in Brighton

Gay Pride last summer

Fun fair 

Little Greek fishing boat

Fun fair 2

A new day, a new look

My piece for (Fiction)Friday




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Life was dull. One day much the same as another. A boring job, wearisome workmates, dreary so-called friends and a lacklustre social life. There was only one thing for it, a total change of image. And there was only one place to go, London’s trendiest market in Camden Town!

Sunday morning and the underground train was crowded. Opposite sat a girl with long pink hair, alabaster skin, bright red lips and black-framed twinkling eyes. So different from the reflection which stared back from the blackened window. A pale, drained face, lifeless mousy hair. To the right a young lady stood hanging onto a strap and reading a celeb magazine. Everything about her shouted chic! Her skirt, those shoes and that top.

The market was a riot of colour. So much to choose from, where to start! Every look, every style. There was fashion from every corner of the world and beyond. And wigs and makeup and jewellery and shoes! It took just one hour to make the purchases, an hour to start a new life.That evening the transformation was complete. Time to venture into the town.

First stop a stylish bar up west. Then a meander around Leicester Square and a table for one in a glitzy chrome and glass bistro. Heads turned. It was all so different from twenty four hours ago. Perhaps it was time to check up on the new look, tweak the makeup, smooth the hair, spray on some cologne. The bathrooms where on the opposite side of the restaurant, a perfect chance to zig-zag between the tables of diners and show off the look to a cool and fashionable audience. Then a sudden moment of indecision. Which one to enter? The ladies room or the men’s?

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Inspirational

This weeks prompt at Sunday Scribblings is 'The book that changed everything'

Dale Carnegie was born in America in 1888. His courses in self-improvement, salesmanship, public speaking and interpersonal skills remain unequalled to this day.

In 1936 he published a book which was to change its readers lives forever, provided of course they followed the advice and guidance contained in its pages. Over 15 million copies of this inspirational book have been sold worldwide and it’s still considered today to be a handbook for life. Politicians, generals, business leaders, salesman and the guy in the street have seen their fortunes changed simply by taking on board some of the ideas put forward by its author.

How to Win Friends and Influence People is nothing more than a no-nonsense guide to getting on with folk. Everything within its pages is plain common sense; it just needs to be pointed out! The advice it imparts is as relevant today as it was over 70 years ago. 

Take for instance the second section which deals with ‘getting people to like you’.

1.   Become genuinely interested in other people.

2.   Smile.

3.   Remember that a person's name is to that person the sweetest and most       important sound in any language.

4.   Be a good listener. Encourage others to talk about themselves.

5.   Talk in terms of the other person's interests.

6.   Make the other person feel important – and do it sincerely.

It’s obvious when you think of it, but how many of us actually practice those few simple rules?

The book goes on to teach you how to handle people, how to be a leader and how to change people’s attitudes and behaviour. It suggests nothing underhand or dishonest. There is no sub-text and no subliminal message, just simple ways in which you can improve the quality of your life and that of those you come into contact with.

I bought a copy forty years ago, and I wouldn’t be without it. 

My book 'My Friend Rosey' is pretty good too! See it HERE!
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Going green!

True Colours Thursday - Things I've seen in shamrock green!

To my mind the most practical and comfortable car ever built! Launched in 1946 the deux chevaux sold all over Europe until production ceased in 1990 when its basic construction no longer complied with safety or environmental requirements! It was designed as a car for the people by the French manufacturer Citroen, and it's claim to fame was that a basket of eggs could be transported across a ploughed field without a single breakage! I've owned five!

 The trams in South London used to be finished in a rather boring blue and cream. And then suddenly they all got a new coat of shamrock green paint!

It's St Patrick's Day next Wednesday and I'll be wearing my Guinness hat  once again as I have year after year after year. Beannachtaí na Féile Pádraig!

R.I.P.

Wordless Wednesday

Words not necessary.

Click on pictures to enlarge.

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Fluent

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A few random thoughts on the word Fluent

Fluent is a lovely word. Floooooent. Say it slowly, roll it around your tongue. It sounds delicious and it’s a perfect example of an evocative verb. Smooth and flowing, effortless and graceful. Our language is blessed with many such words, effervescent, languor and serendipity are among my favourites.

A gentleman by the name of G Joslin Vethakumer, I’m not sure of his nationality, is quoted as saying that that the beauty of the English language lies in its simplicity. He pointed out that if you say ‘I love you’ in any other language you will hear the difference (actually I think that je taime sounds rather nice too!) He goes on to suggest that in English it’s more than just a formal expression as it’s cloaked in a certain warmth and sincerity vital to make it reflect the delicate inner closeness you cherish in a relationship.

Sadly few of us can be said to be wholly fluent in our own language and this clumsy sentence I think proves my point! Foreigners learning English often fail to recognise Mr Vethakumer’s description of our language as simple and literal translations rarely work.You may recall that some time ago I carried out an experiment using the famous Babelfish online translator. I tried it again today. I typed in the words ‘very few of us are fluent in our own language’ and this this what I got:-

English to Italian – molto poca gente e fluent nella loro propria lingua

Italian to French – de beaucoup de peu gens sont coulantes dans leur sa langue

French to German – von viel Leutebitchen sind in ihrer seiner Sprache flussig

German back to English – from much people-little are liquids in their its language!

I remember hearing once of a teacher who was telling her students about the common mistake of using double negatives in spoken English. She explained that a double negative makes a positive, for example ‘I don’t want nothing’ actually means that 'I do want something'! She went on to say that on the other hand, a double positive never makes a negative. A voice at the back of the class called out ‘Yeah right’!

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Time to wake up!

Now listen to me. I’ve been very patient, but I really think it’s about time you stirred yourself. I know its cold, but if I can put up with it, so should you. What’s the matter with you? We all like a lie in from time to time but this is ridiculous. This time last year you and your mates were up and alert despite the frost and the snow. This year you are still tucked up in your beds.

If the snowdrops can raise themselves so can you. I know they were a bit slow at surfacing this year, but now they are all on parade and beginning to wonder just where you have got to.


Being a crocus doesn’t give you any privileges. I just looked in on the daffodils and although they are understandably reluctant to raise their heads above the soil they are at least making an effort.

So, this is your final warning. If you don’t get up and open your petals  right now you will find yourself joining the weeds and clippings on the compost heap.

I’m counting. One.....two.......three........four...........

Waiting for dad.....

True colours Thursday - this week, Navy.

Waiting for dad to come home from the sea


click on pic to enlarge

The angry ocean

for Wordless Wednesday